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I have to die. Fast.

by hogpotter

And that night, I turned my face towards the wall and cried. For the first time in my life I hated Shone. Hated him for blinding me, for tricking me into foolishly believing that life is a beautiful field of roses… that love is a wondrous bond. Hated myself for the choices I’ve made. Hated for being born. Hated my body for functioning normally. Hated everyone around me. Hatred surged through my veins, hot and angry, pulsing with every breath I take.

I want to die. I have to die. I will not stand another day, another night. I will not enter the hellhole in front of me. I refuse to.

I have to think of a method. Plan my exit. And fast. I have to do it before the end of this year. I have to think… and think… and think.

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3 comments

Tristeza 9/8/2015 - 2:45 pm

Hogpotter,

A few days ago someone put up a post about happiness. I left a commenting expressing my pov. I was feeling really miserable that day because of my physical pain and especially my emotional issues, but then I read your comment:

“True happiness is felt during your lowest and darkest hour, when you have nothing else. It rises from your own self, it swells from inside your heart and it makes you be a better person. It makes you want to share it with other people”

I saved that part of your comment because I cried when I read your words. That was exactly what I needed that day. Thank you, hogpotter. That day you said you knew that happiness existed because you could feel it within yourself.
I know that you feel lost right now. I’m sending light and love to you, I hope you feel better soon.

M

Tristeza 9/8/2015 - 2:48 pm

Tris, tsk tsk. Comment*

laddertothestars 9/8/2015 - 2:58 pm

There have been so many times I’ve been on this edge. Just try to get through day by day, and if that’s too hard then hour by hour or minute by minute.
You are so so much stronger than you think, and that comment that Tristeza has just left shows that you have an absolutely beautiful soul. It’s people like you that make me push harder to get through everything, so please don’t give up.

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