I don’t even know where to start. Things aren’t as cheerful as i had hoped they would be by now. I love him, I really do, but I should have listened to that little voice in my head. He was everything I needed out of the blue and I just dissolved into this worthless mass. He is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, one minute he is loving and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, but then he is full of rage. He slams doors, throws things, and threatens me. Nothing physical. We recently moved and he is the only person I know here. He threatens to kick me out and make me leave for little things like not checking the mail every day. He controls my life, but tells me to take control and then when I try he just gets upset. He even made a “list” of things I have to do… I am basically a live in maid. I am starting to question if he even loves me, or he just uses me for the sex. I don’t know what I am suppose to do. I have so many urges to hurt myself, but I can’t. He has made it clear that the first sign of self harm and we are finished. My cat is my one source of comfort and he is even rough with her. She isn’t even a year old she is still hyper and playful and well destructive at times. He smacks her with a bungee cord and throws her in a kennel too small for her. He leaves her in there for hours and won’t let me take her out. He even renamed her…. I have no exit strategy, no money. and no where to go. I don’t even know if I want to go….. I love him and I keep thinking that he will control his anger and we will be happy together, don’t get me wrong we have days where I am beyond the definition of happy. Honestly, I don’t know what to do or think. I am simply writing this because I have no one to talk to.
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You say somedays you’re beyond the definition of happy, but reading your story and the way the treats you make me wonder if that happiness will last. He may be an exception, but reading what you wrote made me think of many other similar stories I read in the past that talk about regret — people always think they can change others and that, most of times, fails; or they think that their significant others will change their behavior… So they wait, wait and wait forever. He does treat you like a live in maid. Also, he doesn’t treat the cat right… He smacks her with a bungee cord and throws her in a kennel too small for her. Watch the way he treats your cat. If he doesn’t seem to respect the life of an animal that technically needs his care and attention, so how can you expect he’s going to respect yours? Honestly I think that he’s going go get worse. I’d start making a plan asap; not necessarily to escape now, but maybe just a plan B. Just in case.
… I don’t want to sound harsh. I have no experience with this type of thing, so I hope someone else will come here and maybe say something that can actually help you (if you’re looking for advice, not only for a place to rant a bit).
I hope you can be happy in the future, not only for a few days, but always.
to* get. Yup, I had to fix that.
Wow… he sounds like a psychopath. Anyone who treats animals so poorly is BAD news. You need to find a job and make enough money to move out and away from this guy. If he’s so controlling it’s unlikely to get better. One thing you CAN do now is stand up for yourself and refuse to do what he asks, if he’s making unreasonable demands. Plus, you’re nobody’s maid. Remember that. Show him he can’t push you around and that you’re not afraid of his reactions and he’ll calm down a little eventually. Still though, you need to get out of there because he clearly has some serious mental issues and needs help. He’s not just going to suddenly change and unless you like being micromanaged, you’re better off on your own.
im sorry that guy sounds like an asshole, maybe you could try to get a job, is there any family or friends you could contact who could help you? although you said you had no-one to talk to but i am just asking. i was thinking of a womans shelter too but i think those stays are only temporary
I’d like to clarify, I do have a job. It is part time of course. He warned me in the beginning that he has anger issues, but I didn’t know it was like this. He has never hurt me physically, but I have been scared that he will. Just tonight I asked him to spend time with me since we are both off work for the night. I asked him to pick an activity for us to do together and he said that if it was that important to me then its my responsibility to make the plans. My depression has gotten so much worse since we moved last month. All I want to do is just one deep long slice into my thigh…
@mchic
I think if you read back your own well-written post, the answer speaks for itself. This man is a control-freak with an aggressive/dangerous streak. He doesn’t treat you or your young cat well-which says it all, you need to leave him.
This other talk about how he makes you happy is a facade. Don’t get me wrong, many of us have similar traits, we get angry, we can be loving etc. But when a person is extreme, lacks self-control, is a danger to you, then he’s crossed a red-line and should be left on his own.
If you have a friend, family, just anyone you could stay with, I’d say both you and your cat would be better off. I realize a part-time job won’t give you independence, but hopefully you can find a better job that will.
Get out. Save yourself. Google for women’s shelters in your area. They will also help you find mental health abd recovery assistance.
He is in the process of murdering you very slowly. It may not be deliberate. He may even love you. These things do not matter. This situation cannot be cured, only walked away from.
It’s tough and scary and horrible and a big fucking mess.
But you can get through it. There are many survivors and they will help.
If you talk to women who have been in abusive relationships and stayed with the guy and endured years of abuse and beatings, they will tell you that you need to go when you first see the signs and start to question things. It will likely get much worse the longer you stay with him. You will become more of a possession to him and his control over you will be all encompassing. Leave as soon as possible. Do it for yourself and do it for your cat.