I am, though. I can’t help it. I can’t help the fact that Im a failure. It’s not like I’ve not tried to put myself out there. I’ve done everything you wanted, Mom, Dad- I just… Nobody wants someone who’s nobody. And they don’t want any bullshit art that this shitty ass fucking 16 year old made. They don’t want dumbass masks I put my hard work into. They don’t even want my paintings! You tell me to put myself out there and then I’ll get people to buy my things. You tell me not to get a real job and just rely on art. But what if I can’t? My fucking art teacher couldn’t even keep her shop. She closed down two years ago. Nothing’s the same anymore! You can’t make a living off art and you can’t force me to do better when nobody wants my shitty artwork.
I’m sorry. I try my best but all the weight comes back crashing down on me and drags me through the dirt, throwing me into a depression.
I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t, this world and this life is pointless and I can’t make any sort of living doing what I want. You try to help me in the wrong ways. I want to be a fucking Game programmer- Game Artist. I want to make the greatest games to fill people’s lives with the only happiness and meaning that they could get. Just like others have done for me by creating theses wonderful games. You don’t even listen, though. You don’t. So what does it matter? You didn’t even let me try to get my fucking GED. What am I supposed to do? I can’t get a job- I can’t do anything. I can’t get anyone to commission me for a fucking goddamn icon commission! And you expect me to make a living off of art!
Don’t bullshit me, please. I know I can’t make a real living off of what I can make and do. It isn’t how the world works anymore. What’s the point to all of it then? You’re supposed to be happy and do what you love. But how can you do what you love when no one wants you to do it?
Ending myself would be a better alternative than all this bullshit I have to pointlessly go through. I’m not getting anywhere, and I don’t want to be unhappy for the rest of my life. I’m unhappy now, and I don’t see myself ever being satisfied in my life. I don’t see any man or woman that’ll ever love me like other people love eachother. Hell, nobody’s even fucking liked me in my 16 years of miserable life.
There isn’t a goddamn point to all of this life. This depression and misery.