at the psyche ward I went to, I actually gave humanity one more shot. What a fucking idiot I was. Couldn’t I see from past experiences what was going to happened? All these “friends” rejected me in Facebook and never returned my calls. To think I could have friends. Fuck them! last night I ripped up there phone numbers and decided to put myself back into self imposed isolation. Humanity is a god damn sham, a lie. For some people women and friends fall into there laps, me asking for a relationship or friendship is like asking a homeless man to break into a jewrey store and give all the goods. Humanity is one fucking lie and a sick joke.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
11 comments
I hear where you’re coming from, but I couldn’t disagree more. Most everyone I know, from co-workers to acquaintances to family to friends, are loving and supportive. I don’t mean to lord my good luck over you but I present it as an example of the goodness in humanity. You live in the States right? Maybe that’s the issue. I’m in Canada and people and generally a lot friendlier to strangers and more willing to take on new friends. So I think it’s all in the people you surround yourself with. I read your previous posts and could literally feel your happiness as you gushed about all the new connections you made. It’s easy to isolate yourself, but it doesn’t sound like you want to be. What about finding another therapy group? meetup dot com usually has a couple social anxiety groups in every major city. Don’t give up man. You were so happy before when you made those connections. Don’t lose yourself in the muck and mire of depression because you met some bad apples. You’ll find your peeps because you have the hunger for them.
Thank you buddy, I was happy because I thought I made connections when in reality, they just tolerated me while I was in the psyche ward, but wanted nothing to do with me once I was out.
I believed in a lie
I met a few people while impatient who dropped off the face of the earth. To be honest, I didn’t think much of it. There wasn’t much to do besides talk with each other to pass the time. After we left, I can imagine that people just wanted to move forward. It’s not your fault. People cope in different ways and also move forward in their own styles.
Thank you. My roommate had a lot of friends on the outside, my “fishing buddy” who never called me back has his wife and family and kids, and that Sarah girl probably had friends too. I was the most socially isolated one when I came to the psyche ward. I can’t help but to feel extremely bitter towards them.
It’s not personal. In an environment that’s very controlled and limited in activity, people walk bond somewhat. Once back in everyday life where there is breathing room, those bonds made in a tight environment may have competition for attention that wasn’t there on the ward.
*will bond
OK, this is going to sound a bit harsh… a bit too aggressive, please bear with me. I am not judging you, I’m just being over emphatic ’cause this is something I watched my mom go through before she blew her brains out and I do it, too, and I wish I didn’t.
You have to stop having such a narrow definition of what a friend is. There are a zillion ppl in the world and if you managed to make friends with them all you’d end up with a zillion types of friendships.
Some people will be in that bestest best friend category where they will help you move dead bodies. Some people will be the friend that will cook you dinner anytime but never loan you money. Some will be super supportive online but hide if you knock on their door. Some will act like you aren’t that interesting but are OK if you come over once a month and fuck them like a deranged bloodmonkey. (I have no idea what a bloodmonkey is.) Some with be great friends in small doses. Some will be somewhat fairly decent friends that will be interested in sharing news for the next 40 years. Some will be good friends as long as neither of you mentions politics or religion. Some will be super manipulative and lie all the time and you’ll realize they shouldn’t be your friend after all.
Most all friendships start out slow. They are like plants – they need some water, but not too much water. So you put a small amount of time and effort into new friendships and then take a break and see where it goes from there. There will be many that flake out on you. There aren’t liars necessarily; they just may be too young or crazy or busy or self-absorbed to reciprocate.
You should be proud that you went into a psych ward and made real connections with others in such unstable and trying circumstances. I’m sure you saw people who were too confused or inarticulate that they had trouble saying hello. Yes, the connections you had didn’t last – but all the same, social skills were exercised, you were engaged, the hamster that powers the wheels in your brain was doing his job.
Cutting off the world because of this is like swearing off candy because you ate a less-than-stellar Three Musketeers bar. There is alot of fucking delicious candy out there, you just have to go to the right place to find it.
You might want to consider talking to a psychiatrist about it. Just a one off session, even online. I think if you could see this from another perspective you would be dealing with it very differently. People have given the most likely reasons they didn’t get in touch; a lot of them were based on their own experiences in psych wards. Don’t you think isolating yourself is why you made those bonds in the first place, and why you’re so hurt now? I won’t go over all the possible reasons again, but you don’t really know those people’s lives or what they’re going through. It’s the least likely place to find people to be stable in your life. I still think if you use them as a reason to turn back to the way things were before (I’m not suggesting it’s deliberate, it’s hard not to… but I think that’s what’s happening), you’ll end up back where you were when you have a really good chance of leaving it behind. If you can’t change things on your own, why not look for the kind of help you had in the ward? Sounds like it was working.
Don’t take the psych ward friends thing too personal. They are also there for issues. They probably also have social problems and reaching out in that controlled of an environment is easy, but outside, it can be harder.
Ill be your friend if you want too:)? we can exchange contact information
Love Funanya