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I’ve made my decision

by ismedyl

I’ve been suicidal for over a year now… I hate myself I just want to disappear not many people would mourn me… Just my family I don’t have a wife or kids. That’s kind of the problem I have no one to love my lease prevents me from getting a dog so that companionship is out. I live with my mom because I’m 19 and I don’t get paid enough yet to move out I dislike her with a passion… What a *****, I’m adopted so don’t do that whole she birthed you bullshit I can’t stand the *****… I had a girl in my life for almost a year and I loved her but I broke up with her because I self sabotage now she hates me and I hate myself I can’t hold a job I don’t have many friends, I’m nice to people but they don’t reciprocate this is basically my life could you find any positive. I want to die. I’ve tried before I took a whole bottle of asprin… Shows you how much I know about dying but I’ll tell you this much… I felt no remorse, I was so happy when I thought my pain would finally end, lucky for me I know a foolproof way. A shotgun and some buckshot will do. It’s a good thing I’m of legal age to buy non-concealable weapons huh now I sit and I wait to get the money I need to get the job done. Then I can finally be happy


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a3b2c1 9/19/2015 - 12:45 am

Guns leave a disgusting corpse-think of how horrified your family will be. I’m pro-suicide, but you should choose a method that won’t traumatize people for years after you’re gone. Of course it’s your choice and if your situation is desperate, do whatever you need to. But I’d suggest a better exit strategy.

I plan to use the inert gas method-I just with there was more data supporting it’s reliability as a means of causing certain death. I might combine it with hanging-not a pretty way to go either-but there are worse methods like shooting.

a3b2c1 9/19/2015 - 12:46 am

*wish (not with)

ismedyl 9/19/2015 - 1:03 pm

I don’t have anything stronger than asprin I don’t have the balls to jump in front of a train I don’t have the capacity to slit my wrist so guns it is and I’m not going to do it in my house I wouldn’t do that to my landlord my mom on the other hand I couldn’t care less… That ***** I’m going to drive out somewhere and I’m going to make a video and say the things I want to say and end the video as the barrel of the 12 gauge enters my mouth

Darvin 9/19/2015 - 1:18 am

You know when you don’t have anyone in your life the best thing to do is to find your passion. Passion it really keeps you alive. (these is just an opinion, in the end the choice is yours)

dare.poe 9/19/2015 - 1:58 am

My mom shot herself in the face 14 years ago. I still dream of washing the blood off the walls.

EvilOni22 9/19/2015 - 2:21 am

My dad shot himself (right temporal area) coming up on eight years ago this thanksgiving. I was the one who found him four days later. I don’t necessarily dream about it, but my memories are pretty vivid. Walking into the house the the room he did it in. He was in the bed. Blood soaked all the through the mattress and the box springs and through the carpet into the subfloor. And people don’t really thing about the fact that when something like that happens, the police and what not don’t clean it up. There are companies and what not you can hire to, but it’s costly. Several thousand costly. So I cleaned it all up.

I was also with my friend when she shot herself this past November. She used two guns. One through the mouth and the other in her chest. This took place outside and honestly there wasn’t as much blood involved in this one like one might think. But the visual of her slumping lifelessness over from where she was sitting and falling off face first into the ground….you could see some blood start to come from under her. Not in a puddle but in a run like. That image and some of the last moments and things she said just befor doing it will be vivid memories I’m sure for ever.

a3b2c1 9/19/2015 - 2:58 am

Wow that’s so intense…and sad.

a3b2c1 9/19/2015 - 3:00 am

Sorry to hear you lost your mom that way…ya not a fan of gun suicides…but I guess they work when you’re looking for a fast death. But they’re not 100% reliable-mistakes happen, people sometimes live on with terrible injuries.

hope432 9/19/2015 - 1:03 pm

I wish I was 19 like you. At the time, my life was still positive. I had graduated highschool and I had many plans for the future. It wasn’t a struggle like now. Today I am 23 and it has become very hard to live for me. I still live with my mother and I have no job….

You are still 19. You can still change your life. You should not make this decision until you are 24.

You mentioned having friends or having had a girlfriend. I’ve had none.

ismedyl 9/19/2015 - 1:10 pm

I’m at a point where the only jobs I can get are entry level I went to Lincoln tech and they charged me 23,000 and I didn’t even learn half of what I need to but I got a 3.0 funny well what that did was keep me from just going to school at community colleges because I can’t afford to pay for it when I have a car and insurance and rent so there my life has hit a wall I have only one option start from the bottom work hard and make my way up the ladder and I’m a screwup so I’ll have great luck with that

rocketman 9/19/2015 - 1:15 pm

23!!!! just a baby! hardly nobody gets there shit together at 23!!!
the truth is maybe when your in your 30’s

rocketman 9/19/2015 - 1:28 pm


“I have only one option start from the bottom work hard and make my way up the ladder”

exactualy, that’s what we all i have to do, your no acception, nobody hands out get out of jail free cards! i never got one either. Thats life.

ismedyl 9/19/2015 - 9:13 pm

Whoa sir excuse me??? starting at a job that you’ve trained for and working your way up is one thing. But starting over in a new field and figuring out if it’s for you or not is not something I want to do I’ve started 3 new jobs in the past year and a half all in different fields and none of them have worked out because I’m not good enough and I’ll tell you what this is not the type of site where people want to hear that ” get real that’s life ” bullshit that that crap to yahoo you prick… Man get the fuck off my feed

hope432 9/19/2015 - 5:08 pm

How old are you?

rocketman 9/19/2015 - 5:23 pm


HOPE! What a terrible thing to ask me!!!!! 🙂

What if i was like in my 50’s

Do I not have a heart that beats?
Do I not cry tears when i’m sad?
Do I not bleed the same blood if i am cut?
Do I not feel pain when i’m hurt?
Does not my heart break when hope asks how old am I?


I’M 18 🙂

ismedyl 9/19/2015 - 9:17 pm

Actually you don’t blew down the same blood you might have a different blood type sir

rocketman 9/19/2015 - 9:21 pm


Do I not bleed red blood the same color blood as you if i am cut? 🙂 how’s that?

hope432 9/19/2015 - 5:39 pm

Sorry for asking. I should have added ” If you don’t mind”, but my English is still not very good.
You are only 18? This is a good age, for new beginnings. You still haven’t graduated highschool?

I miss highschool. I was still healthy at the time.

rocketman 9/19/2015 - 5:48 pm


I was joking 🙂 i’m much older!


OK, here’s another little secrete about the Rocketman 🙂

Why the name Rocketman????? am i full of energy!!!!! am i ready to blast off because i’m so happy?

Elton John – Rocket Man Lyrics

She packed my bags last night, preflight
Zero hour, nine a.m.
And I’m gonna be high
As a kite by then

I miss the earth so much
I miss my wife
It’s lonely out in space
On such a timeless flight

And I think it’s gonna be a long, long, time
‘Til touchdown brings me ’round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Ah, no no no
I’m a rocket man
Rocket man
Burnin’ out this fuse
Up here alone

Mars ain’t the kind of place
To raise your kids
In fact, it’s cold as hell
And there’s no one there to raise them
If you did

And all this science
I don’t understand
It’s just my job
Five days a week
A rocket man
Rocket Man

And I think it’s gonna be a long, long, time
‘Til touchdown brings me ’round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Ah, no no no

And I think it’s gonna be a long, long, time
‘Til touchdown brings me ’round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Ah, no no no…
I’m a rocket man
Rocket man
Burnin’ out this fuse
Up here alone

And I think it’s gonna be a long, long, time
And I think it’s gonna be a long, long, time
And I think it’s gonna be a long, long, time

Long, long, time
Long, long, time

Ah, no, no, no…
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…


hope432 9/19/2015 - 5:59 pm

Nice lyrics. See you tommorow. I put myself to bed now. It’s 1 A.M in Romania.

rocketman 9/19/2015 - 6:04 pm


Sweet dreams my little Romanian friend.

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