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Maybe a step toward betterness

by v.c.333

I know that isn’t really a word.  My daughter struggles with depression, scratching (not really deep cuts) and suicidal thoughts.  I do, too.  I have told her that before that I know where she is coming from.  I even told her that I had thoughts of wanting to die.  In typical 13 year old fashion, she must have never really heard me.  We don’t like her psychiatrist, so yesterday I told her that I was going to start therapy and seeing a psychiatrist again because my thoughts of wanting to die were increasing.  She started crying and was depressed the whole day stating she never knew I felt like that.  I said I had told her before and that I would never leave her.  I just have thoughts like she says she does.  I asked her if she thought I wasn’t upset when she told me how she felt.  If she thought she can just go around telling people that and they just are like “ok” and go on as before. i think she never really thought about it.  But anyways, I called and am getting an appointment with a new psych and therapist.  Also, I am going for some more testing for my health issues next week.  My rheumatologist’s staff is not the best, but I live in a small city and don’t have many options.  I have been waiting for a referral for almost 2 months.  Finally the doc office that is supposed to be getting the referral called themselves and got it.  So, happy.  Maybe thinks will be looking up soon.

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dare.poe 9/18/2015 - 4:57 pm

My Dad’s rheumatologist is an idiot, however on Monday his GP agreed to take over Dad’s pain management. Finally, I thought, we are getting somewhere. Dad’s now on morphine and I’m keeping an eye on him. If he can get some decent sleep and get it consistently he may have a few more years ahead if him.

The health care system in general though is appallingly insensitive.

Good on you for both being honest with your daughter and taking steps to seek help. That one act may pay off huge rewards for your daughter down the road. So many of us know we have issues, know we need help, but refuse to seek it or refuse to accept it when offered.

I’m waiting for my new therapist to propose a treatment plan on Monday. I promised my GF I would hang in there until then, but I’m beginning to suspect that I’m already dead and my treatment plan will simply say: choose your favorite casket color.

v.c.333 9/18/2015 - 5:15 pm

Oh, I hope not. I hope it works for you…and me. I need to hang on at least until my daughter is older. I will think about my husband later. It would kill him. I am the only long term girlfriend…now wife…he has ever had. He was 34 when we met and he had only had 3 girlfriends ( i think each only lasted a couple months). And no dates other than them. He would be hopeless. He is a nerd. lol. comic books, history, the works. He is very handsome, but overweight. Some people just can’t see past weight. I love him no matter what. My daughter has help, but she treats therapy like talking to a friend. Just airing out drama. I don’t think she is really getting anything out of it right now. Goes in one ear and out the other. I don’t think she really wants help.

dare.poe 9/18/2015 - 6:09 pm

Well at least your daughter appears to trust her therapist. That could be critically important in the future.

My GF will be fine. If she can go 17 years without a lover before she met me then she can handle me checking out. She doesn’t attribute a high degree of reality to our relationship anyway.

My son I’m not sure about. I poke him with a stick periodically. 40% of the time he goes ouch, 40% of the time he ignores me, 10% of the time he cackles like a witch. So no emotional consistency. He’s a mystery to me. It was much easier dealing with him when he was 10 and watched the cooking channel all day while he played videogames.

I can tell I’m losing my capacity to care about other people. My affect is as flat as the place my jokes fall.

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