i don’t know if things are slowly getting better, or gearing up to get worse and this is just the calm before the storm. in any case, between my last entry nearly two months ago and today, not much has happened, except for 2 things: my dad has stopped abusing my mom while drunk (for the most part), and my suicidal thoughts have finally calmed the fuck down (at least for now). i still am living the shut-in life of an obese, unemployed 18-year-old (soon to be 19). but i’m looking to change that also, starting with a diet and exercise plan (which i am doing completely alone, without any support or enthusiasm from family/friends. pat on the back!). i want to finish school next year as well, by getting my GED. i want to lose a decent amount of weight first, which i am giving myself this winter to do, so i can actually go outside without humiliation when the time comes. am i hopeful? not really. i feel like having hope would set myself up for a big let-down. if you expect nothing from anyone, you’re never disappointed, so wrote sylvia plath. but on the flipside, you can be easily and pleasantly surprised.
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4 comments
spvnalittlelie ,
hope for the best, but plan for the worst, if it’s the best great! if it’s the worse well your ready for it no surpise.
go for you!! you got this!!
I really hope you’re able to reach your goals and feel better at the end of the day. I just wanted to share a little something that has been happening with me since it also has to deal with weight. I’ve always been fun of, not encouraged enough, etc. by family and friends about my weight and that has created what now is called depression which I’ve been dealing with for 10 years now and some eating disorders as well. However, lately I’ve started to give a fuck about what others think about me and the way I look. I’ve been able to find a safe zone, where I feel comfortable with who I am and how I look. It could be because I know I will never be a size zero and that’s okay, because I’m fine where I am right now. It took me 10 years to come to this realization but I’m glad I’m in this place, because I believe everyone will eventually be happy with themselves.
Good luck!
good for you. always need a plan. you can say, if you never hope, then you are never disappointed, but also , if you never hope, you never get anywhere else. good luck. feel free to hope. just stay reasonable with things.