I ran out of a burger shop last night. I was all set to gorge on some grade “A” Canadian ANGUS beef, but then I saw that the cashier I (kinda) like was working that day. She smiled and waved at me, even though I was all the way at the back of the line, and so I freaked and got out of there. I’d love to take her out, but I’ll never have the courage for anything more than nervous small talk, with her or with anyone; I’ve only ever dated girls I met online. Not like it matters anyway since I’m such a rotten apple (and cashiers are paid to be nice to everyone so I’m probably imagining the attraction).
After I get home and stoned, I always laugh at myself and how dumb I act around women. It’s not like I have anything to offer a woman except for good times. I don’t want an adult relationship with wine tasting and meeting parents and mortgages and all that shyte (I’m 29 btw). I just wanna work my shit job all day (well, not really, but I need money!) and get blunted all night. There isn’t room for a woman in my sordid life of overindulgence. I don’t want to “settle down” and “change” and “grow” as a person (not that it’s possible; yay assburgers!). I just wanna do what I do till I die (weed, video games, and getting money).
Binge watching the anime series Berserk last weekend really inspired me to not give up on existence and to keep searching for a dream worth fulfilling. Problem is that I’m completely filled to the brim with apathy and don’t have any intrinsic interest in choosing sides and being a cheerleader (racial/cultural pride, nationalism, sports teams, politics, religion etc). I have opinions on all things, but my apathy cancels them out, like the drain at the bottom of a sink. Hot water, cold water, lukewarm water; makes no difference to me. But, I am alive after all, and far too much of a coward to ever hurt myself, so I may as well try and enjoy the time I have (right?).
Enter marijuana, my saving grace. If I hadn’t of started smoking 8-9 years ago, I’d probably be as miserable as most people here on SP. Weed hasn’t helped solve any of my problems, but it has opened my eyes enough so that I can more easily steer clear from making new ones, as well as accepting myself for who I am (good and bad). Whenever I’m down in the dumps and reaching new emotional lows, burning up just half a bowl of reefer is enough to get me laughing again and craving some fun. If ever there was a reset button for human emotions, this is it. Pharmaceutical companies can keep trying, but mother nature has already provided something to soothe those with savage souls.
For any substance abusers on SP with the money and resources to support a marijuana habit, I urge you to jump on the bandwagon. Get off the booze and barbiturates and try this organic escape from reality. One of my greatest personal victories was getting my cousin to change from drinking a bottle of wine every night to just getting stoned instead. He’d fall asleep in a drunken stupor clutching a wine bottle like a baby, but he gave up alcohol completely once he experienced how satisfying and consequence-free marijuana is.
The old sad sack stereotype states that a depressed person will typically try to drown their sorrows at the bottom of a liquor bottle. I thought I came here to talk about what I wuss I am, but I’m here to tell you all that you don’t have to be completely miserable. Weed is saving my life and I truly believe that it can save yours. If I weren’t so emotionally withdrawn and unable to speak genuinely to people face to face, then I would start collecting signatures to try and overturn the prohibition law so me and my fellow smokers could toke in peace. You might think that you’re done with this living crap because of whatever is happening in your life, but if you get that smoke in your lungs…
I truly wanna help everyone here on SP get over their issues, but I myself am pretty deep in the shit of life so all I can do is share my coping methods. Hopefully, someone gets some use out of this post.
13 comments
Let’s start at the beginning of your post- cashiers are not paid to be nice. I have worked retail and in the restaurant business since I was 16. I am not nice to people I don’t want to be. Haha. Especially when I am working a register. If she went out of her way to wave, it means something. It might not mean she digs you like you dig her but it’s something. I personally have a very out going, fun, loving attitude but it’s a mask. I was blessed with decent looks and a decent body but somehow got stuck with a fucked up brain. Which takes me to the rest of your post
Reefer, it has saved my life. I’ve always wanted to live a life without meds. Though, unfortunately my mood stabilzers are a must and I can’t function without them, but when I hit my bong I can finally relax. It’s not the same relaxation as most people get. I’m still quite tense all of the time, but it let’s me slow down my brain enough to just vibe out to music like I did when I was younger and music was my coping mechanism. I will only smoke at night, though. Don’t get me wrong, I could smoke all day every day but with doing that I won’t leave my house much. I’ve experimented with sativas and indicas. Sativas will definitely let me stay up and alert but indica is where it’s at for me. It really mellows you out.
So, I definitely agree that if people are looking for something harmless to take the edge off of your every day life (which obviously isn’t that great or else you wouldn’t be reading this) should try smoking weed. It can cause panic attacks and anxiety (if you have anxiety issues) to some but if that’s the case just take it easy and do it on your own terms and in a place where you are comfortable. I give this post a thumbs up for sure!!
thanks for sharing your thoughts cause they put me at ease. I feel like such a loser because if I think back to all the women I’ve pined for, 75% of them were cashiers 😛 I remember buying nerds candy from a pharmacy everyday for a couple months in the hopes that I’d eventually find the courage to ask out the cute cashier (I didn’t). I like the way you described yourself because that’s me as well. On the outside, I’m a perfectly polished, unbruised and unblemished apple. But inside, I’m filled with fungus and worms. And I’m definitely with you when you say that, while you’re still tense most of the time, the weed slows you down enough to feel some enjoyment in the things you used to love.
I love my bong <3 joints and blunts just don't hit the spot like a bong rip. I decided recently that I don't ever want to be without weed. It makes my perpetual unhappiness so much more bearable. But now that I think about it, I think it's feeding my apathy toward dating. Weed satisfies all of my mental needs, and compared to most people, my libido is non-existent. I feel like a dog chasing a car. I feel the need to chase women, but I wouldn't know what to do if I ever caught one. I mean, obviously I know what to do, but I don't think a relationship is something that I truly want. I don't think I want anything from anyone, but maybe that's my love for weed talking.
She’s probably nervous, too. For all you know she may like throat-charring bong hits and hash enemas. I don’t advise you ask her that straight out, though. 3rd question, maybe.
You don’t have to do the wine-and-parents thing. Lotsa people have cool alternative lifestyles. Richard the Third drowned his nephews in a barrel of wine and he turned out all right in the end.
I guess if you have an extraordinarily shitty job then weed is a good way to take the edge off. It slows me down wayyyy too much. Give me pineal gland of a ADD 4th grader anytime. You can build houses while high on that shit, get married, move in, and barbeque antelopes.
Unfortunately, when you come down you’ll be 35, divorced, and raising two kids you don’t remember. Or so I’ve been told.
Ask her out!
haha hash enemas. If only I could meet someone into those. What I need is someone like me, who’s perfectly content with letting life pass them by. But I find that most women want things out of life, at least the ones in my city do. Anyway, thanks for the comment. It’s pure win. I always imagined my life turning out this way:
“when you come down you’ll be 35, divorced, and raising two kids you don’t remember.”
Oh man, you WILL meet someone who shares your interests! There is a lot of “trying other people on for size,” but it’s worth it. True story:
“I love Mozart.”
“Ha! I dated him.”
“Holy shit. What the fuck was up with his eyebrows?”
“I know! I never could get him to trim them.”
Then we proceeded to fall on the floor in an orgasmic heap, destroying a harpsichord in the process.
(Well, *almost* a true story. You get the idea.)
Those kinds of connections are sweet and more than make up for all the “meh” dates in between.
I hope you’re right. Not about meeting someone with similar interests, but that finally finding them will make up for the stress of searching. I’ve never loved a woman, or anyone for that matter :S Non-relationship with my parents and family, inconsistent friendships; I never learned to really like people or their company. So I hope that there’s a person, or people, out there for me to truly gel with. Actually, I met an SP’er not too long ago, Kills, and that was probably the best time that I’ve had with another person while sober.
Oh man, I have been having the same problems asking girls out. How are these feeble nymphs able to strike such fear into the hearts of such noble and valorous men as ourselves. If you have the energy and vigor to take on such a great responsibility, then go forth with faith in your heart and court that dear maiden. I find your cowardice hilarious, and then especially the way you resigned yourself to your weed after you ran out of line. I think these feats of courage are best resolved if we test each other to exceed our boundaries. So tphg, screw your courage to the sticking place, because I double-dog dare you to ask that girl out. Just make sure that in the long run you get a prenup. A man’s got to protect himself after all.
fuuuuuuuuuuck, you just reminded me of a long standing fantasy that I have. I wish I had a wingman (or wingwoman) to go to pubs and just be a spaz with. Challenging one another to get phone numbers using terrible pickup lines, like barney and ted from how i met your mother. It’s so much easier to not care about what other people think when you’re with friends, at least that’s the way it is for me. Instead of dwelling on the rejection, you can laugh it off as soon as you get back to your table. Maybe we could be eachothers e-wingman?
This is ridiculous, you’re not going to let me off the hook are you? I’ll be your e-wingman whenever you need me to be bud. I’ll start by raising the stakes to one broad by the end of this weekend. Unless that’s too soon. Then we’ll report back to home base for a status report. Toodles.
Tphg- wing women are the best! Just saying! As I posted before, I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but Im not a bad looking person so not many people are alarmed if I walk up to them with a smile and start talking to them. That sounds shitty but it’s the truth. You get some random ass girl walking up to you, as a girl yourself, and if she is not groomed properly with a pretty face, more often than not the other girl won’t even respond. I was also maybe gifted with the way of words at times too…anywhooo….I am my guy friends wingwoman all of the time! It’s a blast and super easy. Well, it’s easy if you can talk to people such as my self. And again, like I said before it’s all a front. People believe what you want them to believe, I learned that at a young age. Its very easy for me to read people so when I go out and my friend says “hey, look at that girl over there…isn’t she smokin?! Too bad she’s out of my league” then I walk over to the girl and just start talking to her about something dumb that girls talk about. Then I nonchalantly bring up my friend (whoever it may be) and begin to tell them only the truth about the person. The great truth. Too many times people are passed by over first glances that may not click like you would hope. I take joy out of positively uplifting people I know. Especially people who have a hard time talking to people.
Also, I fucking love how I met your mother! One of my favorite shows. You are totally right about it being easier to not care about what people think when you’re with friends.
I agree with divine_seagull though, ask that girl out! Step out of your comfort zone and set a goal for yourself. If it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t work out, but you won’t know until you try. It’s worth a shot. If it doesn’t work then go rip your bong, as I’m doing as soon as I’m done typing this, and let it go. If she isn’t into you in the end dont let I effect you because at the end of the day we all only have ourselves.
And to think I can give advice such as this but can’t take my own. Haha.
why don’t you live in my city?! lol my friends girlfriends always try to play wingman for me when we all go out for drinks or dinner but I’m always too shy to do anything 🙁 We had a picnic on labor day weekend and a couple of my friends brought their cute little dog with them. When we were leaving the park, one of my girl pals got excited by the idea of me using her dog as an ice breaker to talk to any number of the women in the park sunbathing or whatever. But again, I chickened out. I can never capitalize on a good situation while I’m in the situation. I rarely see my friends (once every 2 months) so I’m not in these situations often. I wish I had bigger balls 🙁
I went back for a burger today and the cashier wasn’t working, much to my relief 😛 There’s this annoying part of me that feels obligated to talk to pretty women whenever they come across my path, but I never do. I’ve had girlfriends before but they’ve never rocked my world in any conceivable way. I want one but I don’t know why!!! I’m really overthinking this, aren’t I?
Oh, and, tphg, I’d smoke blunts all day if I could….I’m just not made of that kind of money to roll up every day. Haha. I have a pretty decent flow bong that I absoluely love but I do love me a peach blunt every now and then. Haha.
I randomly stumbled across these girls on youtube, 2 girls 1 blunt, and their jars full of weed made me feel so jelly 🙁 I don’t know how anyone can afford to smoke blunts and joints all day every day. That’s why I love my bong so much, cause it only takes a fraction of the weed to get just as high. I wanna retire on a farm and have fields of the green stuff. you’re definitely invited