stream of consciousness

My heart is an autoclavethey say alcaholics, are always alcoholics, even if they’ve been as dry as my lips, for years we have incongruent morals, we suffer at the hand of hope, we try so hard, and now trying has become synonymous with failing I feel like I mite never know the other side of madness ever again…I feel like I;m  ed Norton from fight club n I just keep missing myself I am my own eternal hair shirt I am raidohead’s exit music and we don’t wanna die, but we don’t wanna keep fighting, we are tired, we embrace our unconditional humanity and we reach, we make a conscious effort to log on and look through all the broken, half hoping to see ourselves, our struggles, and half hoping to find someone farther down the rabbit hole god reached his hands down from the sky and asked noah if he should like to die, to whuch noah replied ; no. god said fine. it’s gonna rain and I am not religious, yet I find myself living in accordance with the ways of Christianity, I like my life as if I was a pillar of salt, I am the rat, when my ship is sinking I throw myself into the ocean and drown myself, as if one fate was better than another. sharks cannot sleep, they cant stop miving for even a second, or they will drown….god made a fish that is capable of drowning, and then he made me, and then he made proletariats  truth is criminal, and worser still, it’s a nuisance, and sometimes, even the truth lies