I just want to say that I think, for the most part, tough love does not work with people who are going through mental distress. I cannot simply get up and get help. the simple act of getting out of bed is hard. So anything more complex than that is extremely daunting and your tough love isn’t making it seem more appealing.
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We should make a list of things that don’t work. I would like to add “You just need to cheer up.” to the list.
People don’t understand the difference between enabling and support. Most people.
Tough love is also used to hide pissy passive aggressiveness. “How dare you inconvenience me with your depression.”
melodychild,
i don’t like tough love either, but really people do that when everything else fails for the most part, not everyone knows how to deal with others, sometimes they just make things worse, but telling someone the truth to get them on their feet is important, i’m suffering myself but i practice what i preach, it’s really all up to you to get up and work on yourself, you can be your best friend or your worse enemy, try being your best friend, think about yourself in a positive light, roll up your sleeves and face your problems, every day do something anything that helps you and fight your demonds, every time you make progess it makes you stronger, and you will win the battle.
Tough love is bs. My “boyfriend” likes to use tough love and has led to the point of him breaking up with me because he doesn’t understand that I can’t control my feelings right now. He generally feels guilty for doing it but he strongly believes that it will work. It never does and it has led to this. I never needed tough love. I needed real love. I think us with mental illnesses give ourselves enough tough love as it is. We need comfort, compassion, understanding. A god damn hug would suffice. I wonder when people with understand this.
AA2I2,
i agree entirely, driving people away isn’t the best medicine, you must learn to embace the pain of others inorder to understand it.
Yeah, it’s usually the opposite that helps much better.
Sometimes makes me think people just can’t be bothered rather than simply not understanding it.