Why am I so terrified?

I’m planning on making an appointment to get on antidepressants soon, I also plan on going to counseling soon. I am so incredibly terrified of going into the doctor’s office and telling them I’m depressed. I don’t even know why, but just the idea makes me sick to my stomach. Also the idea of going to counseling really scares me, I went to counseling once when I was younger because I was forced to go by the SRS since my parents were abusive. I’ve hidden my depression for so long, and I’ve been depressed and cutting myself since I was 11, and I’m 19 now. Recently it has gotten much worse and I tried to slit my wrists and after that there was no way to hide the cutting and I was forced to ask for help from my parents. Everyone in my family is so critical of me because of it. I wish no one had ever found out. I know that if I don’t get help, I’ll kill myself, but the idea of getting help really does scare me. I just don’t know why it’s so scary for me to go into a doctor’s office and say out loud, I have depression.