I’m a 15 year old girl, who’s life seems like a trashy piece of shit. In the past year, I haven’t heard anything else from my parents other than the fact that i’m a fat flob. They always compare me from those who are as thin as sticks, and complain as to how I got so fat. Particularly, those bitches who they think are as innocent as kids, but are as slutty as some weird Miley Cyrus shit.
They should be happy I haven’t been banged yet.
Since i’m on my junior years, they expect me to lose about 15 kg when I’m stressed as fuck. My friends could lose easily because they seek too much attention on the opposite sex, which is their main motivation. For me, I just want to study and socialize without having to be a human who’s ridiculed for still being a virgin.
Everyday, scrolling down Facebook, everyone just pushes it to me that I’m a hideous, fat creature. This generation is too concerned about what clothes they wear, which person to date, what calories are in a chocolate bar. Honestly, if people didn’t have to push to me of how overweight I am, I wouldn’t be having thoughts of disappearing. My friends, they motivate me but, it disgusts me when they say shit like, “I’m so fat” when they’re like thinner than some pencil lead.
Why do people have to care about being so vain? Why do they have to let a person’s guard down and make them feel so useless? Even those who are closest aren’t so helpful too. Thinking of suicide makes me go deeper to my thoughts and make me question myself, “Would people care if I leave?”, “Will everything be okay if I died?”, “Would dying before my family be a better choice?”
Sorry to burst your bubble but, like I said, i’m human. I have feelings too. I cry when I get hurt, and smile even when it pains. Don’t think joking about people’s characteristics are funny, because it only brings them a step closer to killing themselves. I want to enjoy life, like what I see in movies. Not live a life filled with judgemental racists, hypocritical pedophiles and mental killers. But unfortunately, I do.
I love you, mom and dad. But why do you have to make me feel like I’m not your daughter? Why do you make me want to go into thinking that you should’ve adopted them as your own instead? If you love me, why do you compare me to those who made me feel like a worthless fat pig? Can’t you realise how hurt I am? You are supposed to be the ones to understand me, not make me feel worse.
Why do people show so much disgust to fat people? What is it that makes them want to torture them, and leave them in a corner? Shaming fat people, was that your way of motivating them?
I’m sorry but, for once, I want to be happy. Maybe, i’d be happier if I did die. And people may be happier if I was gone, because they don’t seem to know of my existence anymore. Living is just as painful as wanting to stab a knife in myself.
i wanted to be that cheerful person who made everyone’s day happy. I wanted to succeed in life, and show my parents that I can pay back everything they did for me. I wanted to live a life filled with rainbows and happiness. Yet, I live a life with rain and dark skies. A dark path, leading to a never-ending tunnel. Nobody beside me, not even a single soul. Wishing and dreaming are useless now.
Who am I anymore?
4 comments
I dont who you are. But ill tell you are NOT.
You are not your weight.
You are not your height or your IQ or any other such numbers.
You are not what your friends think of you or what your parents want to be
You are not the slob you take yourself to be.
I am 18 and i have been where you are. Seems like the skys falling and the ground beneath your feet aint so sure anymore.
Feeling empty, sad, guilty all the time.
And about the fact if you kill yourself, frankly speaking, it would not affect a lot of people, actually no one’s death affect a lot of people. This was told to me by my good friend, i was suicidal and she gave me this no bullshit answer. Its hard to grasp at first. But think of the people you would affect, your parents, they love you to death, they’ll be heartbroken. Your best friend, maybe she’ll never br able to replace you. Maybe a guy who has a crush on you was gonna tell you the next day.
You see suicide although stops life from getting any worse, it more crucially and sadly eliminates the possibility of life ever getting better.
So yeah, life is what you make of it.
Cut the crap out of your life, have a few but close friends, do what you love and love what you do.
If I were you I’d cut my facebook account or only allow your closest friends to post. I was very fit at one time, but when I got older I gained weight-so I’d get constantly made fun of by my so-called friends. But I’ve put them in their place-no one is perfect so I have no problem attacking their flaws either and they’ve gotten more chilled out.
In my case I definitely will get fit again, because I’ve done it before and I love to exercise, so it’s not a hard goal for me-but I really lack the time and my life is a bit of a mess right now. Once things are more stable, I’ll hit the gym again.
Anyways-don’t let the taunts get to you. However being overweight is unhealthy and unappealing. If you don’t want to change your body then you’ll need to grow a thicker skin because overweight people are not appreciated in almost all cultures.
If you do want to get in shape then take the advice of those you trust-who care about you and want to see you do well. Put yourself on a modest diet, exercise more and while the change will be gradual, in time you’ll reach an appropriate weight. It’s just a reality we all have to deal with today.
Also if your parents are fat, then tell them to lead by example. If they’re fit, then the deck is stacked against you. I’m more of a health-conscious type so I’d still lean towards advising you to exercise-it’ll benefit you in more ways you can imagine, not just physically but mentally you’ll feel great also.
You now know that is how life works. At some point in your life you have to believe that APPEARANCE makes up for 80% of life. Being unattractive is like playing life in hard mode. It is just that sucky. Have you tried going on a diet? Wallowing in suffering isn’t gonna help you.