My father keeps a revolver in his top dresser drawer along with bullets for it. It’s a .357 magnum and I don’t if this is a high enough caliber to kill me if I shoot myself with it. I know sometimes with lower caliber guns they don’t kill you, or they take some time to kill you. I don’t want to fuck it up and end up with brain damage or be paralyzed forever or something like that. So I was wondering if this is a high enough caliber gun to kill me?
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Oh chelle, please don’t!
I know you are in a horrible place, but I think you are one of the good ones. The world needs more ppl like you. Your sister’s kids need you because you know they are going to have issues and the last person they will ever talk to will be their mom.
I know you need a thousand hugs and and I put 500 of them in this micro dot right here >>>>> . <<<<< I'll give you 500 more tomorrow.
I respect that you want to do this. I believe it is your right. But I can't, I just can't, say anything to help you end yourself. I'm so sorry.
My niece and nephew mean the world to me and they’re only thing I’m sad to leave behind. I appreciate you caring. I don’t know, if you read my very first post but I spoke about a relationship I was in for nearly a year, I told him all my biggest fears and that I was terrified of not being good enough, that I was scared no one would ever love me, and that I was afraid no one would ever want me for anything about sex. I also told him that I would probably kill myself if someone told me that. While we were dating he was always nice to me, but he was constantly talking to his ex-girlfriend. Then on my birthday he told that I would never be good enough for him, that he would never love me, and he only wanted me for sex. After that, he wouldn’t let me stop talking to him, he constantly said I still had to be his friend so I kept talking to him. Then he decided to get back together with his ex and we stopped talking. I even moved to get away from him. After having not talked for months last night he messaged me to tell me he was happy with his ex, all I ever did was ruin his life, that he was better off without me and everyone was better off without me. Every time I think I can get better something like this happens to bring me down all over again. And I’m just tired of trying to build something and to feel better only to have it all torn down again.
I’m sorry that you had a boyfriend that you liked but he turned out to be an asshole. Plz plz believe me he didn’t become an asshole because you were deficient or sad. He was an asshole before you met him.
I have broken up with four girlfriends this year. Each one is a wonderful person but they didn’t feel super compatible with me. How did I do it? I said, “hey, I really like you but I don’t feel super compatible with you. I’m sorry if this makes you sad. I still want to be your friend.” And it was OK because we were all adults and this happens and it’s nobody’s fault.
You deserve to be dumped with respect and tenderness! I hope that sentence made you laugh. What you really deserve is to find that super compatible guy. It is possible.
Don’t let the Asshole McFuckys of life be the reason you check out! You should stick around long enough to see Asshole McFucky and Dipshit McExgirlfriend be stuck together and fight like cats and dogs for the rest of their sorry lives.
One day you’ll have your niece and nephew sit down and you will say, “once upon a time there was a bad man named Asshole McFucky…” Think about what a wonderful story it will make cuz you were the one with the happy ending after all!
The “Asshole McFucky” and “Dipshit McExgirlfriend” really made me laugh. I mean that’s not the only reason I want to kill myself, it was just kind of the straw that broke the camel’s back. I’ve deal with physical and emotional abuse from my parents my entire life. I was always made to believe that I wasn’t a person that I didn’t deserve to be treated like a person and I’d never be good for anything and I guess if you get told something often enough you start to believe it. So when I started dating I would always end up with these assholes, who were physically abusive, even though I wasn’t consciously seeking that sort of thing I know it felt normal to me because it was what I was used to and I would stay in these horrible relationships because I thought that staying and giving them everything would show them how much I cared and they would want to stay, but it always ends the same, they take what they want from you and leave you behind all used up. Those relationships have always been easy for me because it’s harder to blame yourself, you can just say “Oh he’s just an asshole, because he hits people.” With this one it was much harder because there was a time when it was so good and he told me all these nice things like I was so pretty and perfect and I had the perfect body and all this other stuff. Plus he wasn’t hitting me and that was something I never had before. I guess I just had hope that someone cared for the first time and it was hell to have it taken away and I’m afraid I won’t ever find it again because I’m not good enough to have anything but abuse. So it’s basically a lifetime of bad circumstances, no positivity, and no support. And even when people I don’t really know tell me I’m beautiful and that I’m smart and things like that I can’t even try to believe it anymore because I don’t think I’ve ever been good enough for anyone in my life, it’s always been about using me.
Yea! I made you laugh. I’m glad.
“I guess if you get told something often enough you start to believe it.”
Here’s the cool thing!!! You can tell yourself something and make yourself believe it. Like GOOD things. I takes effort and time but it can work.
My story: 2009 I was 325 lbs and hated my body and ate fast food all the time and would do anything I could to avoid exercise. I accepted the fact that it was maybe kinda sorta remotely possible that I could change all this. So I stared in the mirror for four years lying myself that I was good looking and I could loose the weight. Lies lies lies. Then one day I woke up and I weighed 215 lbs and everyone went “oooo la la, hello handsome!”
OK. That story was a lie. I really did keep on top of looking in the mirror and telling myself nice things every day. I think this changed how I looked at myself. I suddenly had a desire to learn to cook so I did that in 2009 and lost a tiny bit of weight. Started exercising in 2010 and it turned out not to be so bad and I lost a small amount of weight. 2011, more exercize, more weight off. 2012 ditched my programming job and took a job unloading grocery trucks and lost massive amounts of weight. Cue women making wolf whistles at me.
I credit all this to repeatedly telling myself I was OK on the inside and I would find a way to melt off the fat, bad habits,
I never really thought of it like that. I know I’ve spent most of my life expecting other people to validate me, if someone loves me then I can love myself, and I know that’s wrong that I need to learn to love myself first. It’s just difficult as I’m sure you know. I do appreciate you telling me that, and I’m glad you were able to accomplish that, I hope to accomplish that too one day, I’m just fearful that I won’t.
Chelle, we’re not supposed to talk about methods on here, but I think I can perhaps get away with saying that unless you’re really lucky, you’re just as likely to end up badly maimed, even paralyzed …. and still very much alive. I recently bought a gun and did research online for pointers, and what I found has made me rethink even trying to use it. People have died from smaller caliber weapons and survived way larger blasts (including from shotguns), so no way is it a sure bet.
I saw a previous post where you were going to pursue therapy and meds. Have you made any progress in that direction?
I know we’re not supposed to talk about methods, I just see people do it all the time so I didn’t think it mattered. I did a lot of research and it seemed like the odds were 50/50 but it seemed like the most positive way.
I was planning on going to therapy, but I’m doubtful that it will as my experiences with therapy in the past have been very poor. I know, I should probably be on medication, but I fear if I’m given that medication I’ll be tempted to take all of it and possibly die, but more than likely than that I’ll probably make myself very sick and wreak havoc and cause permanent damage to my body.
50/50 is not great odds, esp. in this case. With that and the fact that it would probably really mess up you dad if he finds you “afterward”, I hope you will wait and at least give the therapy & meds a chance.
Are you still trying to stick it out in the call center, or did you go ahead and quit?
I was planning on driving to the next town over and just doing it in my car, I was going to put a blanket over the top of me in my car and shoot downward so that no one would have to see me and I’d probably be called in missing eventually and they’d find my car and a police officer or someone like that would find me, if I had been gone for a while my parents would probably already guess what happened. I definitely don’t want to traumatize anyone by having them find me, but cops and medical professionals deal with that sort of thing all the time.
I put in my two weeks at the call center, but everyday I’d had to work they have called me and told me not to come in because they didn’t need me. My friend who works there said when you put in your two weeks they try to screw you out of your hours. So I haven’t found another job yet and I’m getting no hours so if I don’t find a job soon I’m going to be screwed and I’m already not in a good financial place.
Wow, that’s not good. It sounds like that is a good place to get away from. They probably treat employees badly, even while working. I hope you find something else soon.
Unfortunately, staring in the mirror IS NOT helping me write a book or get a degree. I just can’t seem to summon the desire to commit to that road like I did with the weight loss. Hopefully a new therapist will know a trick or two that will help.
So… your mileage may vary, as they say.
I hope you have some positive experiences Real Soon Now and post here to let us know you are OK.