words without thought

some days I think of it less, today is a day that I am unable to give positive confirmation to…, the thought of it is so close, so close…if I were to sit still it would turn me into a fossil. it’s the landscape, it’s the atmosphere, when I breath it in, I can taste it on the roof of my life as I exhale, life isn’t so hard, just strap in and bleed if I only write the words that rush out like menses I don’t have to think to hard about what they might’ve ment, they’ve already been forgotten at their core. self deafeating is not a philosophy you should readily claim? where have you been? hate has taken up a more prominent seat at the table, its closing in around the edges, like wonderlust alice and her shrub mazes, envy is photosynthesizing into hate, and I hate people who don’t have to be afraid of going outside, bc they aren’t afraid of people, bc it’s an irrational state to live in to think otherwise, so why the fuck would they? I hate people who don’t duck consciousness with oblivion, street corner oblivion, your friendly local neighborhood oblivion, compulsive ‘more than the recommended dose…I have insomnia so bad it takes 15 pills; one for the sorrow, two for the show, 3 foorr the strife 4; my bitter hasnt any sweet the rest I cant remember what for, but I bet it was traumatic….10 Nyquil, 3 Xanax 7 melatonin…and math has no useful application in the real world. if dreams are like movies then memories are films about ghosts. I am an autoclave, my heart is a haunted autoclave I am only allowed to let my thoughts get as deep as cosmo, anything heavier is too much weight to carry, and I hate cosmo magazine 99 sexy ways to entice him….1. possess a vagina 2. end of list 99 problems and this ***** is won