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Hey guys…

by AskingMyselfWhy

I want to start off by saying this is not so much a cry for help as it is more just for someone to listen for once in my life. You know the guy you always hear about with the “so fucked up it belongs on TV” life? The guy who is a struggling drug addict, unmedicated bi-polar, self hating suicidal freak? The guy who’s self-esteem is at absolute zero because no matter what he does or how hard he tries he is never good enough for anyone? Well, in a short description, that guy is me. I’m not proud or happy to tell anyone that, but it’s who I am. Why hide it? Sure, I’ve had some fucked up shit happen to me, but when it boils down to it, isn’t it my fault anyway? I’m the one who can’t be good enough so surely it is just the punishment due. But then again, does anyone really deserve this? I know I wouldn’t wish this upon my greatest enemy, but then I look in the mirror and remember who the greatest enemy of all is, and realize this is what I’ve earned. All I ever wanted was just to feel a little less alone, but how can I when I’m trapped inside my head with just my greatest demon, myself.

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Trix 10/13/2015 - 4:47 am

I can relate so much to your post. But it’s true that no one deserves it. It isn’t your fault. I’m sorry you’ve had such a tough life until now. I’m sorry you’re in pain. I hope you reach a day when you don’t feel trapped anymore, and you can be that guy on TV telling anyone who will listen about his amazing recovery and self-peace, and how everyone should read his book and learn his secrets.

I think you have to transform your mind to feel completely better and stay better. It’s a long endeavour. Meanwhile I hope you feel a bit less alone here. I wish I had something more useful to say, but hey, the one thing I can do is listen. 🙂

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