I feel like I’m done with life. I can’t go on beyond this anymore.
I’m a 24 year old guy. I’m severely depressed. I’ve never in my life had a girlfriend, and it looks like this is my life. I’ve always been too shy and socially awkward and I basically can’t approach girls and don’t know how. And I’ve also been rejected by the handful of girls I’ve approached. I don’t bother trying anymore. I’m sure that even online dating won’t work for me, so I haven’t tried it. Besides, who wants to date a depressed suicidal person anyway? The irony in all this is that my depression stems from my loneliness, so it’s all a vicious circle, unbreakable. Seriously, why would a 24 year old guy with no dating experience whatsoever (not even a kiss) want to go on?
I don’t even bother trying to socialize at all anymore. I’m way too depressed. I spend the entirety of my days alone at home. I haven’t went out in more than 3 month, and I barely do anything creative at home. I spend my time mostly reading and listening to music to retain my sanity. My phone hasn’t rang with a name of any of my “friends” so far, which suggests I also have no friends, although in reality I do, but what, like 2 or 3 close friends, and they’re not asking about me. I have no job, and I’m too depressed to go and look for one. I’m seeing my future crumble to pieces before my eyes.
My main problem is loneliness, and the depression it’s causing, which in turn is ruining my entire life. Worst of all is that there’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t magically make girls like me. They don’t like me, they’re not attracted to me, end of story. And, although it would be hard for normal people to believe the credibility of this, it’s completely involuntary. I couldn’t even talk to girls at all until about 21, and even now I struggle interacting with them, and I can’t show romantic interest, nor do I know how, which means I’m basically doomed, since this obviously gives women another reason to see me just as a friend and reject me. Therapy hasn’t helped. (look up “love-shyness” and maybe you’ll understand where I come from)
Truth is I don’t see that I fit in life. I’m just taking up space. I have the means and everything, but I’m afraid of what’s beyond. This is almost the only reason I haven’t ended everything yet. A few years ago I lacked the means. But now that I have the means, I’m too afraid to do it. How can I gather the courage and take the final decision? I can’t help but ponder what’s there after I’m gone. What if something terrible awaits? And if reincarnation is real, I really don’t want to go back to the beginning, maybe even reincarnate as something worse, or with an even worse life.
28 comments
“Besides, who wants to date a depressed suicidal person anyway?” you’d be surprised, i’ll just leave it at that. That said, it’s hard to get to know girls who are into you if you don’t socialize. Just walking up into one and trying to date her doesn’t work, and if it ever does, they either charge you (lol) or it dies pretty quickly (since it wasn’t built on a solid foundation).
Ever considered just making friends to address the loneliness? (you don’t mention any, so i’m guessing you don’t have any, correct me if i’m wrong), that would help you make basic connections that eventually open up more connections… etc.
I have to clarify that this is coming from a guy who was obese and got a girlfriend at 20, because she did the move (so i kinda know about shyness and loneliness). I relate to many of the things you say (the loneliness, being shy, etc), so i’d advice you to give everything a try before giving up, because well, you do know what’s lacking in your life. Not that it makes it any easier, but knowing is half the path.
“My phone hasn’t rang with a name of any of my “friends” so far, which suggests I also have no friends, although in reality I do, but what, like 2 or 3 close friends, and they’re not asking about me”
@freeroma: thanks for correcting me!
Jesus, i’m really sorry about not noticing that (read all you wrote, but somehow my brain didn’t register that), my head has been fuzzy most of the day (dose re-adjustment… i’ve been dozing up all day). This is not saving my ass from the previous comment (maybe it is in a way), but if your friends are not worried about you (and this will sound awful) maybe you do need to make friends with people who really cares about you and your well being. You can still make new friends without ditching your previous ones too, so… yup, again, really sorry about that :/ . Guess i should refrain from replying when i’m not all that well.
“Guess i should refrain from replying when i’m not all that well.” that’s my most common state of commenting…
Oh, i do know about that, but trust me… today was a whole new level for me. I’m usually decent at masking my conditions in public, specially at my classes, but today i was actually approached by someone asking if i needed medical help, and by the look in their face i’m guessing they were serious, lol.
🙂 ha
I’d call you in a heartbeat, freeroma, but the creepy factor would be to high. Text is safer.
😉 Best anyway, your voice would reveal your nonhuman identity, can’t let that secret get out
The world isn’t ready for my sexy Yoda voice, regardless of what you read in slash fic.
You said that this girl made the move. That’s enough said already. No girl has ever expressed interest in me, let alone making a move. A girl making a move on me would be a real miracle…
So, I’m sorry, but I don’t think you can relate to how I feel. Unless you’ve been forced to be alone for 24 freaking years, and knowing you’ll continue to be this way, you won’t be able to relate. I’m sorry I’m harsh, but I’m miserable, and having someone tell me that a girl approached him at 20 won’t make me feel any better. Though I know your intentions are good…
I can relate to what you are going through. I am 49 and I’m a virgin whom has never had a girlfriend, never kissed or been on a date. I have only ever been with prostitutes and I was humiliated by everyone of them because I have a micropenis and can not have intercourse.
I developed a humiliation perversion that means that I get sexually aroused now when humiliated due to it happening so many times previously. Once the sexual arousal has gone, all the humiliation and knowing the entire world thinks I am a joke causes major depression, anxiety and social phobia. I started isolating myself years ago and had not been touched by another human for over 5 years and I was going months without talking to another human. This isolation caused me to have a breakdown in 2011 and I was hospitalized.
I’d really suggest that you don’t make things worse like I did by isolating yourself. Try to get out and meet more people and try to make some new friends. I understand that It is very difficult to do but you really need to make the effort before things become worse. I wish you all the best.
I’m getting while you’re being harsh, but i didn’t tell all the details of my story, which i guess i should have. Before that point i was always alone (no friends), never talked to girls, and the few times i tried it was really hard. Got rejected by girls too, and some of those rejections where pretty bad, so i should have said: at some point in life i was in your situation, so i can relate regarding that period.
As for that girl that approached me, she only did to trick me into a relationship. She was mad because i corrected her in public and since i was pretty much an outcast, somehow it seemed funny to her to play with my emotions. I found out later, when a friend of her’s felt sorry for me and told me.
That said, i didn’t mention it to brag (and i’m sorry if it sounded that way), i did it to make the point that you’re not the only one with social issues, and for some of us, it takes a freaking miracle to have some social interaction. I’m 33 and i still have no friends, no relationship, and it’s really difficult for me to keep a conversation with people in real life.
The thing is tho, the more you alienate yourself, less chances you have of finding/keeping friends, and it’s a vicious cycle. I remember that my gmother used to tell me “nobody is going to come to your room by magic and be friends with you out of nowhere” and i always dismissed it, but now i think she was kind of right.
Again, i’m sorry if my comment bugged you, and i do hope you find a way out of the situation you’re in, some other posts make some pretty good suggestions (like Somebody Insignificant’s post above this one), good luck.
hey:( don’t say that!!! i could be your girlfriend though lol.. jk ..
i mean you don’t need to blame yourself just try and talk to others i mean go out of home ..
i’m sure there’s a lot of girls who want to have you as a boyfriend
Your sens of humor is dark. But you have a point tho, the world is full of girls not all of them are the same, someone will accept you nvm12.
I had a different interpretation of that, Darvin, I’m not sure she meant it the way you perceived it.
In regards to the “lol, jk” bit I mean. Whew.
“someone will accept you nvm12”
I highly doubt it. Experience has proven to me that they won’t accept me. On top of that, they’re not there to accept me or not. I don’t know many girl in my life, and of those I know, none of them seems to be expressing interest that she wants me. I’ve always struggled with being social. Up until 21 or so I was basically alone in my own world, and I wish I stayed, because life and society don’t make sense. The way people interact with each other. When I finally got into it, it seems more like a… game. You know something? Okay, maybe it will happen. Maybe one girl out of the 3 or so billion on this wretched planet will miraculously want me. But when? When I’ve finally completely lost my sanity? I prefer to die while still having my sanity.
Not having a Significant Other can get very lonely, especially when it seems like most other people have had one, particularly because of your issue. You couldn’t really talk to girls until you were 21. Something changed then, it will improve again. There’s depressed suicidal people on here who have love interests, so that’s debunked. But hey, there are plenty of celibate monks and priests who don’t have romantic relationships who find contentment and peace. Don’t have to be in love to be happy..
You can’t know that online dating won’t work for you until you try it, maybe you would be more at ease talking long distance at first, then move up to the real world.
There are honestly at least a hundred articles on the internet about talking to attracting meeting (whatever) girls, if you’re worried about showing romantic interest I assure you google can show you the way. But that’s not really your biggest problem in this area.
No one fits into life, it’s not a jigsaw puzzle and you snap into place, it’s more like a bleh my mind’s too tired for an analogy but something that jumbles and moves like a kaleidoscope, yep going with that…
If your friends don’t reach out to you, do what Mf suggested, or even reach out to them..
Depression Sucks period, I hope your ok financially for the moment if you don’t have a job and feel you can’t sustain one
Actually getting a job might help at making social contacts and in turn, meeting new people. It is indeed a forced way of interaction, but it’s interaction either way (which might help). Having to do something daily kinda helps some people to deal with depression too.
Good point indeed
Those celibate monks and priests you’re talking about chose to be this way. They can’t really be compared to an incel (involuntarily celibate, it exists, yes). So you’re asking me to accept my shitty life and be happy that I’m a reject, and no girl wants me. And on top of all that I’m struggling with trying to be social, because it’s a near impossible task for me. You see? I have way too many problems. Why the hell continue?
“if you’re worried about showing romantic interest I assure you google can show you the way”.
Please Google love-shyness. Besides, even if I manage to show romantic interest, it’s always rejection for me, as experience has proven. On top of that, I don’t know many girls in my life. My introverted nature isn’t helping at all. And I’m also socially inept, so it’s really hard for me to get to know new people, but I take every opportunity I get. Actually, there’s a girl I met not long ago, but I’m afraid to contact her and ask her out on a date. Why? Because, it’s rejection for me, I can sense it from now.
That was simply an example to say it’s possible to not be in a relationship and be happy, perhaps not the best one. Your problems revolve around the social spectrum, yes, which is beyond unpleasant as people are social creatures. Was therapy the only treatment option to try to solve this?
I did say romantic interest wasn’t your biggest issue in this area, but you mentioned it, and that’s something that you could learn, I did google love shyness actually and it’s bleh, I did see a few support groups for it, I suppose you already spent time googling anything that could alleviate it…
It’s true! The only way you will find the love of your life is if you socialize, love. I know how hard it is to put yourself out there again and again after getting rejected… but you cannot just give up. There is a girl out there waiting for you to find her, and if you never get back out on the field, she cannot find you. Life isn’t set in stone, love. It’s more like Jello. Or playdough. You can try your damndest to mold it into whatever you want, but something is going to go the opposite way. You just gotta roll with the dough (heh playdough puns). Good luck love 🙂 Don’t give up
I’ve known people in their 50’s who never found this “special” girl you’re talking about, and some of them never even kissed a girl, which is scary. You guys are misinterpreting this whole thing. I think I mentioned the word “involuntary”… Literally no girl have ever expressed interest in me. I’m undatable, basically, and I’m having a hard time accepting this fact. The way things are going, and I’m only getting older, it seems like it’s a dead end for me. Someone who’s 24 with no dating experience can’t have high hopes in this regard. Google “love-shyness” or “incel”. Seriously… Although I know you won’t believe it, like everyone else, and will still tell me the same thing all girls tel me at the time of rejection: “Oh, you’re a great guy, but you’re like a friend to me. One day, you’ll meet that great woman blah blah blah…” Every single ****ing time!
Is it better to have loved and lost or to never loved at all? I would argue that you can never truely experience pain or joy or cruelty till you have seen the reciprocal. Your story sounds like mine in many ways. I was very lonely for many years severely depressed. Friendships only a distraction from the sadness of my romantic loneliness. Friendzoned again and again. More depression more withdrawal from society. I too laughed at online dating and thought what’s the point. I planned my suicide for months. Starting thinking seriously about the aftermath of my death. Making arrangements etc etc. I suppose you didn’t truely value your own life till you cry and cry for hours and days and weeks about what a waste or a failure or just a disapointment its been up till that point. Anyway I made a pof account as a last screw it attempt at life. I figured it would be the final confirmation I was unwanted. Instead the week I was planning on leaping in front of the metra train. She messaged me. I say she because its too painful now…she was fucked up just like me emotionally but for some reason we immediately clicked. At the time I had no license thanks to a summary suspension and a shitty warehouse job where I spent 7 hours a day fantazing about ways to kill myself. Half an hour enjoying lunch and the other half hour thinking about how much I wanted to smoke my prepacked bowl of weed waiting at home. If I could just make it across the tracks with 40mph trains going by 8 times during my typical time to take lunch and walk to the grocery store for lunch I could make it to the next worst day of my life. Anyway we messaged and texted and then skyped. It was the weirdest feeling. Was this fate? Rubbish. No such thing. I wanted to see meaning in it. She messaged me and I had given up any actual idea that anyone would respond to anything I had sent let alone contact me. So the week I had planned for months to kill myself I went out with the most amazing girl in the world. I felt like we could read each others minds and laughed like loons on a date she picked me up for. Sitting there I thought is this it? It must be. Why else would you get married if you didn’t feel the way I did and the connection I did. Long story short I dated her for 3 years off and on. just last Friday I asked her to marry me. After years of me being sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her I finally asked the question. I had held off for so long because she was so indecisive about our relationship. Her parents always hated me from the beginning. She was abused by previous guys and her mother is a total control freak nut that trys to run her life. I mean does run her life. The only thing I ever fought with her about was acknowledging me to her parents as her boyfriend. They knew I was. So you probably guessed. She said no. Well not no. She said “I’m not ready” the answer I feared. I know she loved me. I could see it in her eyes in her face and in her voice and the way she looked at me. I said “bye”. When it comes down to it its amazing how little actually got said. 3 years all summed up into 4 words. She wasn’t and probably never will be ready to commit to someone and I couldn’t be with someone that despite feeling the same way toward me can’t commit to me or herself. So is it better to have loved and lost or never loved at all? The answer…I wish I had leaped in front of a train years ago. The inexplicable pain I feel now is unbearable. I feel like I lost my left arm. Like it was ripped out of the socket along with my heart. You do not know pain you do not know suffering you do not know misery. True love lost is far worse than the 5 plus years I wished I was dead. In those 3 years I came out of that serious depression and everytime I talk to someone now it really is on the worst day of my life. Knowing that this really is it. No reconciliation. No future. Crying about my own death and crying about the answer to the ultimate question are the same. Well almost. As sad as an end to my own life made me feel. The death of this relationship feels infinatly worse. How do you keep liviing withyour heart ripped out? People just aren’t ment to have nice things. There is a hell and you don’t have to die for a visit and if there is a god it is a small child with a magnyfing glass that takes cruel pleasure in stomping on the ant hill he/she/it just set on fire. I wish I had died years ago.
That’s an interesting story. So, you’ve been incel? I mean, you said you got rejected over and over again… so I think you can relate to my feeling. Anyway, you said online dating worked for you, so do you think I should at least give it a try? But what’s the point… I know that even if it works, she will most likely ditch me, and I’ll be back to square one waiting for years upon years to meet someone else (that’s if I ever meet someone in the first place).
In any case, I don’t have marriage on my mind. It’s not really something I look forward to, so losing the girl won’t really affect me much. I mean the break up itself, though this will imply that I’ll be lonely again. So in my case, having loved and lost would be far better than being this lonely reject I am.
You sound a lot like me, it’s almost like I’m a younger version of you. I’m 18, never had a boyfriend or even had my first kiss. Also depressed, suicidal, introverted with very few friends. I can’t help you but I just wanted you to know that there is a girl out there like you. And I’m sure there are girls out there that would date you, you haven’t met every girl.
But the coming race shall know not, and the fount of tears shall dry,
And the arid heart of man be arid as the desert sky.
So within my mind the darkness dawned, and round me everywhere
Hope departed with the twilight, leaving only dumb despair.