I almost can’t feel anything .. like the emptiness is taking over me .. and the lost is soo close ,, I can’t /don’t want To think anymore ,, it can be a little satisfying but soo … I don’t know what .! like a vortex .. maybe better to stay numb this way .. or I don’t know a thing anymore …
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I suppose it is a reaction to the rollercoaster of emotions you have been on recently. It won’t last so maybe just sort of observe it for what it is. Maybe there is some peace in the void. Don’t be afraid of it, it won’t last forever. Maybe sad feelings will come back but so can happy, positive feelings.
That sounds horribly familiar.
It’s a coping strategy. It can become painful in its own way, especially when it doesn’t quite block out the pain that was there before. I think bruiseviolet’s advice about accepting it is wonderful. Having said that, try not to get lost in it to the point that you’re completely apathetic. Try to reach out to talk to people and remember the good feelings you’ve had before.
ACCEPTING .. ones I read this word it really got into my mind .. what about accepting , how to make it done ! how to accept all the bad things the way it is in trying to forget ! how to accept the pain in trying to push away .. and .. is it a good thing !
Accepting it is much easier said than done. Forgiveness helps – to breathe out and forgive yourself for feeling the way you do, or forgive the pain (or that empty feeling) for being there. Try to tell yourself it’s okay that you feel the way you do – it doesn’t need to harm you and it doesn’t need to last forever. If you can accept feeling hurt and not feel angry or worried about it, the pain doesn’t control you as much – even if it’s just for a moment and then you have to try again.
I don’t know if you feel the same or not, but when I try to block out the way I feel (like when I try to ignore the depression/emptiness and distract myself), sometimes it just seems to get more severe. When I focus on it and accept that it’s there, sometimes it fades a little bit.
what if i was nothing .! nothing to anyone including me ..! what if this is true …???!!!
You aren’t nothing! You might feel like it right now but you’re more than that, much more.
I am sure that your ex would like you to feel that you are nothing (without him) but you are not nothing. Maybe you feel like you died and are just a ghost or empty shell right now but you will come back. One day you will be everything to somebody. You have every right to be upset, hurt and angry about everything that has happened to you. It is normal to have those feelings and also normal to feel numb. Everything that you’re experiencing is valid and real. You are not nothing.
If you were nothing you could not post here. Not to be trite but Jano you have helped me quite a but in the last week. Just watching you go through all this. I think you deserve a little break and some emptiness is sort of an emotional vacation. Sometimes after a particularly long ride up, after I crash it is a relief to feel nothing. There is nothing wrong with feeling nothing for a while. BUT (and this is important) what you feel is not who you are and does not define you. You are not nothing. Well at least not to me. You are wonderful.
bruiseviolet , Hazy Day Sunflower
im not a Defeatist , i loved to be the strong one and hopefull one , but getting pushed of my dreams and a lifei want to live is what killing me .. i talked to my ex earlier this day asking what he really want to me why he always Threatens me ,, he said i find it good this way , i am free you are locked .! thats all i need to satisfy ..!!
i was like what !!!!!?????!!!????
he said keep my way you will keep living with your fucked up family .! all i am trying to protect is my family .. but i am soo tired ..!!
Thinking of you jano.11 I’d love to be able to say the right thing and give you the advice you need to help you find your way through this, but i’m mostly broken this week and cant find the words. I am thinking of you though and send you love and hugs. P.S. trix, bruiseviolet, hugs to you too, you dont know how much you affected my path through life today.
Any time X