The spark, the problem, and the depression

This is my first post on this site so I am not used to this type of thing. Getting to the initial point, I was always the outcast in my home town, by both my family and in high school. Everyone else at school was happy and I never was able to make any friends through my 4 years. I told my family about this and they told me that it was me, I was called antisocial and a loser and all that. I believed them, I still do to this day. I don’t want to go into all the details of what went down in high school, but let’s just say that I was a major outcast and considered to be a loser over there(resulted in me trying to commit suicide several times, no one not even my family seemed to care), I did not even go to my high school graduation. Now I over the summer after I got out of high school this year I was trying to look for work since I am at the age where teens are trying to look for work, the only 2 things that happened were the following : no one was calling me back or went to the interview in proper attire and everything and got rejected. My family blamed it all on me saying I need to change something about myself(I believed them on that). And now fast forward approximately 2 months after all that, I am still in the same suicidal and depressed state as I am now but it is even worse, going to college(I am a freshmen) and and I see everyone else being happy and talking and all that. The means of communication that I ever had since I was 10 years old and on was talking to myself pretending that there was someone there. Am I wrong or insane for talking to myself everyday? I do not know if I am or not. Anyway nothing seems to be getting better, no one seems to care about me or my problems which drives the depression further. It is only a matter of time. I am sorry if my story may confuse you readers a little bit, I was always put down by teachers for my confusing writing.