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My life at 64 years old…

by NotAttentionSeeking

So I’m 64 now and my whole life has gone by and I’ve got nothing to show. I’m still living in my parents house. I never left. I can’t afford my own apartment because I don’t have a job. I haven’t worked in over 27 years. I still havn’t had a single boyfriend at my age. I just live in my own little bubble. Get up, watch some YouTube. Go back to sleep is my routine. I am a fat slob because I have no motivation to get out of the house.

Okay so I’m not 64 yet but this is practically my life as it is today. I am getting older and older and I can’t seem to change myself anytime soon. I think I was born with this curse of a phenotype which makes me incredibly lazy, depressed and non-social. I know because I’ve been like this ever since I was a kid and it is so hard for me to do otherwise. My quality of life is so poor right now, and it’s just a cycle that goes round and round.


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rainyday 11/5/2015 - 8:16 am

It is so important to have a job, I believe all the problems could be miniaturize with a job. Life could change 100% with just that. A job could give meaning to our life. Have you look for a job? I believe is you get one, you could fill all your sadness and change your life for better. Take Care.

disgusting 11/5/2015 - 8:42 am

I know the feeling. I’m afraid of being 50 or 60 and still never had a real relationship, still never being loved. I fear it at 40 too but that’s only 2 years away and sure as hell ain’t shit gonna happen in 2 years when it hasn’t happened after 38 years. I have a job, but I struggle with homelessness, because I don’t make enough to live on my own and my credit is beyond ruined after having credit cards stolen almost 2 years ago. I really feel like I’ll never get anywhere. And I’m too fat and ugly and disabled on top of it. No way will I ever get a man. 🙁 So I know how it feels.

user1 11/5/2015 - 11:57 am

Hey I’ve got enough love for two. Who wants which half?


Really, you’re definitely not alone. I’ve only been able to work when I get so dissociative and confused I forget about the panic attacks, the flashbacks, and everything else. I’ve lived with the same people who were (and still are) abusive, most of my life. As far as finding someone goes, a lot of people are shallow, but there are a lot of people out there who aren’t, too. I don’t know if it will happen, but I believe if you can love, and can be open, you can be loved. Hope things get better for both of you.

SeeSmith 11/5/2015 - 12:03 pm

I’m 55 and my life has been filled with UPS and downs. If I sqiunt the right way I can look at my life and say I’m an unemployed homeless drifter without a college degree that never amounted to anything. If I squint the other way I can say I’m a popular beloved unique individual that comforts many and demonstrates a healthy distrust of materialistic culture.

Thus I have to wear glasses because I squint alot.

Mf 11/5/2015 - 12:47 pm

Kinda just repeating what everyone else said before, but you’re not alone on this. I have a college degree and going for a second one but i really don’t feel like there’s a point to it (unemployed, studying again as a last resort sort of thing). Someone said above that a job is the solution, but actually that’s part of the problem depending on what you want out of life, because society defines what you have to do in order to be “successful” (getting a good job), but in reality that doesn’t work for everybody. You see plenty of people with lots of money yet, they still feel empty and depressed.

Im my case, i’ve sort of always known that unless i got lucky and was able to have a job that allowed me to do one of the things i love doing (didn’t happen) i was not going to find fulfillment living a drone life (working in something i dislike just to barely make it). Maybe that makes me a worthless loser in the eyes of most people because you’re supposed to toughen up and just do what you have to do because “that’s life”, but in the end what matters is what you believe, and how you feel about yourself. I honestly kinda cringe when people say they’re embracing an unhappy life (even if they have other options) just because “that’s life”… says who? society? lol.

If finding a job is your thing, go for it. If not, look for that thing that makes you feel fulfilled. You obviously don’t like the life you’re living so making some sort of change is your best choice (even if you do it in baby steps). You might that there’s nothing that exists that motivates you, but it’s better to exhaust all options before giving up… i might be wrong, but in my experience most “lazy” people aren’t lazy, just lack motivation because they haven’t found their thing yet.

user1 11/5/2015 - 1:05 pm

Yeah, agree with that last part, that’s what I’ve seen in most cases. On top of it, depression/etc really just makes it hard to be motivated and do anything.

disgusting 11/5/2015 - 4:38 pm

Yeah, getting degrees really doesn’t matter. You end up way over your head in debt just trying. Of course, in a major city, you REALLY need a masters to do ANYTHING entry level. But getting that far – takes more money – even with loans – than poor people can deal with, so we don’t get there.

I got an associates because I was told by the university back home that I wouldn’t get a job in the end (with a bachelors from them) because I come from a poor family so no one’s going to hire me. Someone from a POOR family’s only hope is to go to the junior college and become a nurse or a computer repair tech. So that’s what I did.

I tried to get a bachelor’s online, but too late, so when my grandmother died and I ended up homeless again, I had to quit and forget about ever finishing. But I’m still in $56k debt for trying.

muspelhem 11/5/2015 - 4:52 pm

Inequality makes me so mad. I used to discount it and buy into the bootstrapping rhetoric, but the world’s gross unfairness finally hit home.

People say things like “life is unfair, get used to it”, which is true, but it seems to become an excuse for maintaining the status quo. Yes, life is unfair, but surely as human beings we should do everything in our power to fight that?

Where I live, education (and a student allowance) is tax funded. I still managed to bungle my education though.

rainyday 11/5/2015 - 5:02 pm

People sometimes say that we can change our destiny and our life, but sometimes seem impossible, I know the feeling.
I read your story and it is really hard to go and try to change your destiny and no being able to do so. But I believe you can still do it. Go ahead and finish your degree, even if It take you more time and increase your debt a little. After that I am pretty sure you will able to pay it.
I believe poverty do not define if we get or no a job. What define is we can performance in a job are our qualifications and some time our attitude. Then change that from your mind, being poor do not make you less than anybody. All the opposite. You had to deal with more in your life to get to the same point.
I also read that you call yourself fat, ugly and disable and that any man will look at you. Do you really consider yourself that you are all of that? Yes there are people overweight out there, no one want to be overweight, but there are a lot of woman that look well even with that extra pounds. Are you ugly? No one is ugly, what make a person ugly is the attitude the person have towards others, Are you a bad person? Disable? Well that does not make you less than anyone either. I believe you have to change the way you see yourself. I believe if you change that any man could look at you different. Please do not take me wrong.

muspelhem 11/5/2015 - 4:05 pm

I’m not sure, but I do think it’s also sort of a trap we fall into: loneliness, depression, lethargy, despair. I’ve found that all these problems feed off one another. If you’re poor, you can’t afford the gym, so you can’t get healthy, so you feel uncomfortable socially, so you don’t apply for jobs, so you get even poorer, etc.



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