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Christmas Gift

by InhalingAnxiety

So I spent over $500 on my boyfriend for Christmas.

I get in these moods (that sometimes last a few days at a time) where I can’t feel a desire for anything, and it makes him feel like I don’t love him. But I can’t really feel love for him or anything at that time. I don’t know why. Afterwards I can tell I’ve done damage, but he still tries to act like me treating him like shit doesn’t affect him. We both know he deserves better and should feel loved constantly. I admire him for sticking around, though. I decided to kind of “go all out” and get him an Xbox One and a pair of shoes (he’s picky and of course the more filters you have, the more limited and expensive things get).

But I figured you don’t spend over $500 on someone you don’t love, so hopefully he gets the hint? Ha.

I just want him to show his dimpled, real smile again and it be because of me.

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21 comments

Trix 11/30/2015 - 10:36 am

I know how those moods feel. In my last relationship I used to cling to him and try to pull away completely at the same time when I was deeply depressed. It must have been exhausting for him. I think it’s really important not only to base how you treat someone on the way you feel, but also on the fact that they’re there and all the things they’ve done for you. There are many times when I feel like the people I love the most are strangers, and I can’t feel anything for them. If anything, I think more negatively than positively about them. That used to scare me, which made me deal with it really badly. But trying to remember who they are can help. I don’t have many people I count as friends, and I hate the thought of causing any of them pain or making them feel unloved when I’m ill. I hope you find a way to remind yourself and him that you care about him even when you’re in those moods. I try to stay quieter now, so I don’t say anything I’ll regret, and the smallest gestures make all the difference. Your present sounds like a pretty big gesture, so I’m sure he’ll get the point. 🙂

InhalingAnxiety 11/30/2015 - 10:49 am

It’s not good, but I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets like this. And exactly, I try to think positively and remind myself of us and why I love him, but my mind will only bring up bad things he’s done to me. Then I can’t get around those and start thinking if I really love him, but I always come back from those moods and I know I love him. It’s like I’m blocked and not allowed to love him. I try to stay quiet, but he feels like I’m distancing and preparing to leave him, so I speak and only bring up bad things that I’ve forgiven him for in my “normal” mood.

But now I try to do things while I’m in my “normal” mood to hold him over or remind him I love him until my abnormally, deep depressive mood passes. He deserves to be rewarded big for sticking with me another year. 🙂

Trix 11/30/2015 - 11:58 am

His worrying about you leaving must be hard. I find being quieter really helpful – when you can only think of the bad things that have happened, those thoughts seem to matter less when you don’t say them out loud and keep putting them aside. I know exactly what you mean when you say it’s like being blocked and not allowed to love him. It’s a horrible feeling. It sounds like he relies on you quite a lot, so he probably really appreciates those reminders. 🙂

InhalingAnxiety 11/30/2015 - 4:10 pm

I’m just waiting for the day he’ll give up on me for good. I would say “waiting for the day I’ll get better.” But I’ve been this way since I was 12, so the first one seems more likely to happen first.

SeeSmith 11/30/2015 - 11:37 am

Nice gift.

My GFs know that I will go up to 48 hours without talking to them. We are separate human beans and there is no umbilical cord connecting us. I don’t go that long often, but it does happen.

Forced, required contact makes me not want to be in a relationship. It’s interesting the number of people that would rather have meaningless scheduled contact than occasional genuine engaged contact.

A woman that can pick out a good pair of men’s shoes is pretty rare. Your BF is lucky to have you.

Trix 11/30/2015 - 12:09 pm

I understand wanting contact to be genuine and not just a responsibility, or routine etc. I think it’s generally a positive not to need constant contact with someone. But there aren’t many times where I’d describe contact as meaningless. I think a friend/girlfriend/boyfriend getting in touch because they’ve woken up/they’re going to bed/they’re annoyed or upset/they’re off from work/they don’t like not talking to you for long usually shows that you’re valuable to them.

SeeSmith 11/30/2015 - 12:55 pm

Needing something: support, answer to a question, scheduling is one thing. Having a dialog about something one or more parties is interested in is one thing. Having a dialog simply to pass the time or to summarize the events of the day is one thing. “I love you,” I understand. That either means I love you or I love you and I need to hear you reciprocate that sentiment. Sharing love is why we are in a relationship.

“I’m home from work,” is not a text I’m interested in reading. “Text me when you get home from work,” is a request I won’t honor. Thank god it’s not a thing for people to text each other when they have bowel movements. Yes, I understand the subtext is a commentary about how we value each other. … Ah, I found the concept I was searching for: Those inconsequential texts are not mindful. Those required scheduled phone conversations are usually not mindful.

“I’m home from work and it strikes me how empty it seems without you here to warm this winter evening.” would be a mindful text I would welcome, for example.

Ha ha! I guess I’m high maintenance that way.

nepheliad 11/30/2015 - 8:19 pm

@SeeSmith Sounds like it’d be a lot of work for a girl to date you, haha (but I agree that it’s good to know what one’s expectations are and to lay that on the table).

SeeSmith 11/30/2015 - 8:40 pm

Well, I don’t do boring. You have to consider my age group. Most guys that are 55 are comatose. Women who are adventurous enough to date me are looking for fun. They usually have full lives just not a man. The whole texting as umbilical cord doesn’t come up that often.

nepheliad 11/30/2015 - 8:48 pm

Nah, the needing space thing I understand, I was just jokingly pointing out how you expect people to be very thoughtful – which isn’t something I hear often.
That is good though, and I guess that if you meet someone with whom you are highly compatible then you shouldn’t have a problem, since they’d hopefully expect the same of you. Right?

SeeSmith 11/30/2015 - 9:06 pm

Blame OKCupid. From Aug 2014 to May 2015 my profile was 7,000 words. Any appropriately aged woman that made it to the bottom paragraph understood what I was looking for. Big time saver!

InhalingAnxiety 11/30/2015 - 4:07 pm

Well, we live together so going 48 hours without talking isn’t an option really haha. But we don’t really text each other throughout the day. I’m too lazy to keep responding like that. We do communicate about getting off work and stuff, but only when we are working later than usual or because we have one car between us.

And I know what he likes. 😛

Hazy Day Sunflower 11/30/2015 - 12:27 pm

I was going to type something snarky about marrying someone emotionally unavailable but it hit too close to home so… *insert appropriate comment of your choice here*

InhalingAnxiety 11/30/2015 - 4:08 pm

I’m sorry, Hazy. 🙁

Hazy Day Sunflower 11/30/2015 - 8:33 pm

Yeah, all the smart ass humor drained right out of my like a sad limp clown balloon.

InhalingAnxiety 12/1/2015 - 12:40 pm

I feel you.

muspelhem 11/30/2015 - 7:38 pm

Gotta get me a girlfriend in time for Christmas.

Mf 11/30/2015 - 8:45 pm

They should definitely sell “xmas girlfriends” at retail stores. Nope, not prostitutes, gfs.

InhalingAnxiety 12/1/2015 - 12:39 pm

I’ve been with him for 4 years, so I don’t think it comes so easily. xD

Hazy Day Sunflower 11/30/2015 - 9:14 pm

I am trying to figure out if there is a way I can skip Christmas altogether. It’s stressful and the person I live with is an asshat lately, well he’s been an asshat for years but it is just lately I care. It is like I’m the eye of Sauron and I’ve been focused for what seems like forever on this one thing that finally finished in September, then my eye swung wildly in the other direction and focused right on him…and found the situation unacceptable.

InhalingAnxiety 12/1/2015 - 12:39 pm

You could always sleep through Christmas. But for me, I just don’t decorate. It doesn’t feel like Christmas then. But I go to other peoples’ houses and it hits me again that it is. So my advice is to become a hermit.

And I don’t really know you a whole lot, but with that LOTR reference, I feel we’re pretty well acquainted. But my advice on that is to become numb, or lose focus and your eye will look right past/through the situation.

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