My mother just tried to force me to come out. And now I feel like shit.
I was talking to her about the possibility of me running the LGBTQ+ society at my college next year and she jumped down my throat, saying that I thought she was a terrible person, and that’s why I wouldn’t tell her. She says that I’m breaking the bond between us by keeping this from her and I’m deeply upsetting her by not talking about it.
You know what the most important part in all of that was?
HER
She didn’t care about what it was doing to me, being made to feel extremely uncomfortable about my own sexuality by her forcing me to talk about it.
I do not want to talk to her about it. I want to do it in my own time, when I’m fucking ready.
I’ve already been building up to this for years, trying to tell her, and she’s knocked me back to square one.
Now I can’t tell her for the foreseeable future, and God knows I can’t tell her about my gender identity.
She complains that I’m breaking the bond between us, when she did that a long time ago, when she decided to make me feel like shit for doing things that weren’t my fault.
I have to stay in this house for another 2 years, and I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it. I’ve already managed 3 years, but these last two are proving to be the most difficult.
Anyway, rant over, hope you’re all feeling okay today 🙂
-M
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7 comments
That’s awful. I’m sorry she’s pressuring you like that. It sounds like she’s really worried about how you feel about her and losing the bond between you. She must care about you deeply. But she should be more patient with you. Did you tell her how uncomfortable it made you? It sounds like she’s oblivious to the fact that it’s a sensitive subject for you.
You are absolutely right about it being about her. I know it’s hard, but I hope you will find a way to forgive her for being a dipshit.
When you are a parent you can be intensely curious and overstap boundaries. My son is 20 and I still have no clue about his sexual orientation. I know getting worked up about it is nonproductive. I know he’ll say what he wants to say when he wants to say it.
And really, when you get down to it, isn’t there much more important things parents and their kids should be talking about?
Your mom owes you an apology.
I read your post and I am going to chime in here.
I was going to type “the minute you can get the hell out of there” but I am thinking she can’t possibly be as bad as my narcissistic sick as fuck mother. But she sounds pretty close.
Parents, including mothers, have one job, to raise their children in an unjudgemental loving environment. This includes accepting that their children are not little extensions of their egos. You my dear have a right to privacy, including your sexual privacy, and by doing this your mother has violated your basic right to privacy.
It is not your mother’s job to make you come out or force you to do anything you are uncomfortable with. It is her job to support your growth as a human being in this world.
God this shit makes me furious.
(drops mike)
*steps off soapbox*
Hey, thought i agréé ira totally Not cool for your mon to pressure you, and i dont know thé back story of your relationship with her, but from my very un-informed perspective, it seems that she cares about you and maybe feels hurt and frustrated that she can’t help and share some of the burdens you are carrying atm. For sure, it’s obviously the wrong way to go about it, But it seems she loves you and will continue to do so if you share this with her. I’m not suggesting you should. Just saying there are always two sides, and at the very least you know it’s a part of your life you mother wants to be a part of.
I don’t know your mom, or you, but maybe ask yourself if you think the relationship would be hurt by her knowing you as you are, or if it might make things better. I don’t know… When I came out to my parents, they were accepting. But it definitely was not something they wanted to hear much about and I know it made them uncomfortable for a long time.
I don’t say it to excuse how your mom made you feel, but to be devils advocate, it might have made you feel even shittier to hear that she didn’t want to know, or would feel somehow less for your.
Bottom line remains, it 110% your decision to tell who you want when you want and how you want. Take comfort in feeling your mom, albeit impatiently, waiting for you to let her in.
God, I hope that didn’t sound like im an ass hole lol. I tots agree w/ you… But also see some love dust in your mom’s pushiness.
Stranger hug. I know it’s not an easy position to be in, but it gets easier.
Love to you.
French auto correct was on lol. * though I agree it’s/ … mom
Excellent perspective. I’m hoping she is the mother in your answer.
Let’s hope together ! 8 )