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Down and out, in need of some help

by kittykat6

I’m brand new to this site, but I figured someone would be able to give me some advice. I don’t know what to do. I feel helpless and hopeless to this depression, this feeling. I’ve had depression for years, it feels like most of my life. It gets better, it gets worse. But recently my grandfather passed away, and I’m not coping well with it. It’s been hard to sleep or interact. I’ve been irritable and volatile, and I feel like a lot of the people in my life are getting sick of my mood swings. I don’t feel like I have anyone, but even if I did, I’m unintentionally shoving everyone away from me. I’ve lost people in my life, which has not helped. I feel like I’m safer from a lot of hurt on my own. But everyone pulling away and me pushing them away isn’t helping, it’s only making it worse for me. I cry a lot, I’ve no interest in anything, I’ve had a lot of cutting desire (which I haven’t done in almost a year), and my suicidal tendencies have been itching at the back of my brain. I want to die; I’ve come to terms with it. But I just want it to be over with. I don’t feel like I can handle it anymore. And I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it cuz at the back of my mind I still tell myself it’s nothing, and I’m doing this for attention. I don’t know what to do to stop all of this, to make myself whole or fix this. Can someone please help??

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4 comments

thefreed 11/24/2015 - 3:24 am

cut an onion and leave it somewhere around your bed, it helps with your sleeping. Hot milk helps too.
I think that first you need to get a good night’s sleep so it helps with your mood swings… And honestly I wasn’t very close with both of my grandparents so when one of them passed away… I didn’t really feel anything…
but if you were that close to him, I don’t think he would want you to suicide or see you like this. Do what will make you feel better in the short term… When a bit of time passes I am sure you’ll feel better… In the meantime though don’t push people away and let them help you.

kittykat6 11/25/2015 - 12:17 am

Thank you for the sleep ideas. The hot milk helped a lot actually. And thanks for taking the time to reply. I appreciate it.

theWhispersOfMySins 11/24/2015 - 4:16 am

“I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it cuz at the back of my mind I still tell myself it’s nothing, and I’m doing this for attention.” ~ Have you never spoken to a dr about your depression then? There is help out there if you just let yourself get some.

kittykat6 11/25/2015 - 12:17 am

I’m on antidepressants. It just doesn’t seem to help that much. Plus I hate relying on chemicals to stabilize myself.

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