Well, hello again. Not completely sure what I want to say to be honest. I guess, firstly, thank you to those who read my last post, and to those who commented, I’m sorry I didn’t reply to any of you. I wanted to but I didn’t feel up to it for some reason. Anyway, yet again I have something I would like to share.
So, my parents went away on some trip for 4 days. My youngest brother and I got to stay home alone, whilst my other brother went to our grandparents. Anyway, my little brother (let’s call him John for now) and I had a good time. And it’s been the first time in a while I’ve not felt like complete shit constantly. I wasn’t exactly happy but I wasn’t feeling too horrible. We spent our time eating and binge watching television. It was good spending time with just him. He’s so innocent and good. The last 2 nights, after he went to bed I felt pretty shitty so I went and just drank a bit. It felt nice. It’s been so long since I’ve had a decent amount of alcohol. Overall, I wasn’t that bad. But then this afternoon, my parents got home. No more than 10 seconds after the door opened, my mother began complaining about what a mess we’d made of the place. I have no idea what she was on about. We’d done our dishes, cleaned up everything and the place was fine. Then she began nagging at me because I hadn’t helped John do his homework. All I had done was forgotten about it. It’s not my fault I have a terrible memory. If someone tells me something I’ll probably forget it 5 minutes later. After that, both our parents went out for a while. I cleaned up a wee bit after they left and I thought about how shit I was feeling. And as I began walking to my room to get my knife and cut my flesh once more, the car pulled into the driveway.
So, now I lay here on my bed, feeling terrible once more. I know my mother did not mean to hurt me and it’s such a little thing but now I just feel shit. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. But so often they just get me down. Long story short, I feel like shit once again after an alright few days. I’m not even sure why I decided to write this. I guess I just want to share it for some silly reason. Anyway, I hope everyone is alright. Love you all and stay awesome.