Its 3 am here. I can’t sleep. I want to die. I want my wrist to be cut open, my head to burst. Everything feels so heavy.
I am 21. Everyone around me have an idea of how their future will be. I don’t. I don’t see much farther. I see my suicide. And then its all black. People Plan for their future, I plan for my suicide.
There are no solutions to my problems. Suicide is actually the best way out. All I need to do now is plan my suicide.
I want my suicide note to be perfect. No loose ends. I want everyone to have their answers.
How do I need your help? I want you to point out things I should take care of before dying. I know I am asking too much. But I can’t think clearly and need someone to help me plan.
6 comments
Writing a letter for give them all the answers or leave them satisfied. If anything, it’ll hurt them even more since they’ll think about all the opportunities to help you, or they’ll end up resenting you for not asking for help. Either way, there’s only pain, unless that’s your intention – which I’m not judging. A perfect suicide letter won’t ever be satisfying to you either, you’ll always have one more thing you want to change or put in.
Im in a similar situation. I don’t see anything for my future. Every other student has everything in order and here I am questioning, “Why does doing an exam matter?” It feels like doing everything in life is useless to no end. I’m sorry you’re going through this. But… (am I’m s hypocrite for saying this) if you can confide in a friend or family member or ANYONE, please do so. Talk out your problems. Sometimes holding everything in makes you feel small and makes the problems appear bigger than they really are.
Also, slitting your wrist is not a good/reliable method. It’s usually used only for “attention” to distress.
I will say that clear thinking is quite necessary for making important decisions, and these feelings often cloud your judgement. But you will do as you wish. I have those nights too, not really pleasant.
I did read your other posts, and I recognize you’ve dealt with this a long time. Is there any new developments that increased this feeling, or is it the continuation of past problems? I’m curious as to the possible solutions you did try.
As for the future… There are people well over that age on this site. It doesn’t really matter how much people plan, things still end up going haywire. hmm, that applies to planned dying, too.
Regarding the ‘perfect note’, I don’t think there is such a thing, although I suppose the best you can do is say what you feel and be honest.
Three a.m. is so lonely. Why not let us keep you company. You can make your list tomorrow. Everyone posted some really nice music. Deathcab is playing right now on my speakers and it is so divine I want to weep.
i truly understand your pain. I am planning my suicide and the note is going to be the hardest. I am unsure of your issues, but,, if there is hope for you, hang onto it. You can’t turn back. Have you tried writing things down? please make sure you are sure and read every fact you can about your method. My fear is failing and being worse off. Hope things can improve for you.
Make sure you make it very, very clear in your note that there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent your suicide. Try to absolve your loved ones of guilt as much as possible. It might be helpful to think about the arguments they would make against your suicide and counter them. I would recommend including info about how you want your funeral to be arranged as well. That being said, I understand you a lot… I’m 20 and struggling to find meaning in my life. Doing well in school seems so meaningless when I don’t see myself doing anything in the future but killing myself. My parents are wasting their money on my education…
I agree with jasall’s points regarding the note. Try to make it clear no one could have prevented your suicide. The goal is to absolve everyone of their guilt. For myself, that is the most important thing.