That’s quite a gap. Somebody had to buy you new clothes.
One thing I’ve noticed about depression; when I recall a bad memory I dwell on it, when I recall a good memory I tell myself it wasn’t real. After a while all the good memories are gone.
That’s interesting. My depression got much more severe when I was 15-16 and the dissociation from life became more severe with it. I know I’ve changed a lot since then but it’s like I haven’t been alive or particularly conscious in that time.
And yes I was infinitely happy. When I was with her.
But like I said. It’s complicated.
And most of all, I can’t feel happiness.
Feel…?
I even can’t recall any good memory.
It’s been 6-7 years living like this.
Being with her feels incredible. It was for very short period of time.
& now I can’t be with her. Even though I want to.. & even though she want to. Family stuffs and all.
But I guess it’s better for . I was so selfish. I always thought about myself. She can not be happy with me. How long I can hide my illness from her.. how long..?
If she is with me… means.. she is also have to endure with me.
I think it’s best she is not with me.
But I feel very bad for her. She is really a soul. And I want her to happy. I want all the happiness in this world for her and I’m her world. So even though I knew I was sick. I was with her. But god wished different. It’s over.
That’s perfectly OK. We have a lot to study about ourselves.
Khud ki pehchan karna, khuda ki pehchan karna hai
(To understand one’s own self is like to understand God himself).
These are all paths, rough or smooth that hep us in making our journey of understanding.
At times we don’t want to grow or we refrain ourselves into the past, negating our own growth because we feel too much comfort in the past life, and that what would become our very own spiritual special place where we hide ourselves from all the worries, like a home; except that it exists in time not in space.
Those so called “Normal” materialists cannot even begin to relate to such a feeling. They are occupied too much with the worries of “what ifs”, making money and having sex.
People like us, we live beyond space and time. We are not bound by the materials, because we relate to our spirits much much deeper than those who try to fix everything with medication.
Let NOT the thinking stops you from your journey of self discovery. In the end, if you are alone, you are beyond comprehension of people around you, and you will pity them one day that how miserable they have been to their own lives and others, and that they cannot help but thinking “nomral”.
Inner silence, calming the agitations of our hearts and minds, letting go of all that is stubborn and grasping, is essentially an expression of the love of truth. To be dispassionate, not to let one’s own needs or prejudices or emotions color one’s actions, is essentially to put truth before everything else. To love truth in this way is to love God, who is Truth. Thus the practice of inner silence is the same as the love of God.
~ Dan Seeger
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8 comments
That’s quite a gap. Somebody had to buy you new clothes.
One thing I’ve noticed about depression; when I recall a bad memory I dwell on it, when I recall a good memory I tell myself it wasn’t real. After a while all the good memories are gone.
Smith it’s really hard to survive. I never had a life too. How to be happy?
That’s interesting. My depression got much more severe when I was 15-16 and the dissociation from life became more severe with it. I know I’ve changed a lot since then but it’s like I haven’t been alive or particularly conscious in that time.
But didn’t you have happy memories with the girl you love?
Well. It’s complicated.
And yes I was infinitely happy. When I was with her.
But like I said. It’s complicated.
And most of all, I can’t feel happiness.
Feel…?
I even can’t recall any good memory.
It’s been 6-7 years living like this.
Being with her feels incredible. It was for very short period of time.
& now I can’t be with her. Even though I want to.. & even though she want to. Family stuffs and all.
But I guess it’s better for . I was so selfish. I always thought about myself. She can not be happy with me. How long I can hide my illness from her.. how long..?
If she is with me… means.. she is also have to endure with me.
I think it’s best she is not with me.
But I feel very bad for her. She is really a soul. And I want her to happy. I want all the happiness in this world for her and I’m her world. So even though I knew I was sick. I was with her. But god wished different. It’s over.
Thanks buddy for everything.
That’s perfectly OK. We have a lot to study about ourselves.
Khud ki pehchan karna, khuda ki pehchan karna hai
(To understand one’s own self is like to understand God himself).
These are all paths, rough or smooth that hep us in making our journey of understanding.
At times we don’t want to grow or we refrain ourselves into the past, negating our own growth because we feel too much comfort in the past life, and that what would become our very own spiritual special place where we hide ourselves from all the worries, like a home; except that it exists in time not in space.
Those so called “Normal” materialists cannot even begin to relate to such a feeling. They are occupied too much with the worries of “what ifs”, making money and having sex.
People like us, we live beyond space and time. We are not bound by the materials, because we relate to our spirits much much deeper than those who try to fix everything with medication.
Let NOT the thinking stops you from your journey of self discovery. In the end, if you are alone, you are beyond comprehension of people around you, and you will pity them one day that how miserable they have been to their own lives and others, and that they cannot help but thinking “nomral”.
Inner silence, calming the agitations of our hearts and minds, letting go of all that is stubborn and grasping, is essentially an expression of the love of truth. To be dispassionate, not to let one’s own needs or prejudices or emotions color one’s actions, is essentially to put truth before everything else. To love truth in this way is to love God, who is Truth. Thus the practice of inner silence is the same as the love of God.
~ Dan Seeger
Thanks everyone. 🙂