I have been planning to kill myself for a few weeks now.. The only reason I haven’t yet is because I am trying to figure out a way to ensure my mom won’t blame herself.
I don’t know what I am hoping to achieve by posting this. I have tried to tell people, I guess kind of hoping they will talk me out of it.. But nobody seems to understand. I just get the generic ‘things will get better’, ‘this will pass, you’ll grow out of it’. Well I’ve been waiting to grow out of it for years now. When do you decide to stop waiting?
10 comments
Your mom will blame herself no matter what.
Yes, sometimes things don’t get better. Sometimes you learn to not mind the pain so much. Sometimes the rare good things in life turn out to be so good you want to stick around. This is definitely not a one-size-fits-all issue.
What horrible things are going on in your life that makes you want to kill yourself?
The people who said those things were wrong, but the fact that it hasn’t got better doesn’t mean that there aren’t ways to make it better. It doesn’t have to be a choice between continuing to live like this or dying. Your mum will blame herself. There’s nothing you could do that could ease the pain and guilt she’d feel. Have you told her how you feel? Maybe she could help you find help.
If you really need someone to talk to you can message me.
SeeSmith and Trix gave you excellent advice. The only thing I will say is to emphasize on how much your mom will blame herself. It is unavoidable that she will.
You have us to talk to.
It’s not even that there is anything so horrible in my life, that’s what is so frustrating about this. I don’t have any reason to be unhappy, I just am.
I was hospitalized at a younger age for an attempted overdose and my mom reacted very poorly. It felt like she was upset with me for doing it, like it was more of an inconvenience than anything else. I think that’s because she can’t see what I have to be upset about either. I just seem ungrateful.
It’s hard for people to understand, but it happens. I’m the same – I’ve always had a great life around me, but still a lot of pain inside. It should be treated, like any other illness. It’s more than just being unhappy or ungrateful.
Trix, you type too fast.
Thanks for replying.
I think one of the first rules of SP is how “good” your life looks or how “grateful” you should be aren’t really relevant. Seriously, if we wanted a baseline to compare how good we have it then we should all be comparing ourselves to people in, say, Darfur. So let’s no go there and accept that bad mental pain is pretty damn awful regardless of where you are or who you are. OK?
It’s one thing to be unhappy with nothing specific to point to, but it’s another to be so unhappy that you would consider taking your own life. How is school going? How much socializing do you do? Do your parents tend to ignore you? Do you have a car? Can you loan me $20?
lol I’ll loan you $20. Oh wait I don’t have any cash on me.
Sometimes I find something to get me one more hour of my life completed. I know that sound weird hu? I just keep marching forward. People who say it gets better haven’t truly dealt with mental illness. I have decided lately it doesn’t get better, it just gets different. And either I learn to enjoy the different or the different will destroy me.
Mental illness, including depression, is a physical illness. Like all illness it takes time for your body and mind to recover and sometimes I think of it like Lupus, I just have to live with the rash and the pain and find an outlet to make life better.
I don’t think I am helping here.