I can’t breathe, I want to scratch, claw, rub my skin but I cannot. I’m starting to crack open and the uglyness is starting to shine through. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep together this facade of normalcy. I’m breaking down in tears and lashing out at people around me, throwing things, wrecking things.
I’m trying to keep things smooth and yet I’m not sure how much longer I can possibly stay here on this God-forsaken planet when everything inside me is falling apart.
And yet I’m trying to take deep breaths, trying to breathe, trying to hold on to any hint of rationale. Impulsivity breeds mistakes, impatience leads to failure, and failure is one thing that I can’t afford.
I’m gluing together the cracks with Elmer’s glue, just enough to keep me together for the rest of the week. I’ll go to bed and hopefully it’ll be dry by the morning.
2 comments
I hope you’ll feel better.
How long have you felt that way? I was like that for a long time (still to a degree now), and I wish I’d demanded help. You should be receiving some kind of help right now. I hope the people around you are understanding and forgiving.
As Trix said you deserve help. Sometimes we need help even if it’s just someone to listen and help us organise our thoughts.