Today’s OCD thoughts are brought to you today by cheaters.
I have have been cheated on in every relationship I have ever been in and today o keep going over how it must feel. To be the person who has 2 ppl to choose from, a lot of times (in my cases) 2 people that love them.
I wonder what it’s like to have multiple people to love you?? I have never even had 1 person love me so it actually really is perplexing to me having 2 people love you or hell even WANT you. 9 hours this morning circling this idea in my head over and over. It triggers a lot of pain for me. I love my life (sarcasm font).
Spent the the last $20 of my money today on my exit (kinda a double doozy since I already had 1 exit planned) and a delayed texting app to notify my family before my kids wake up. Can’t afford to pay the rest of this months bills and I’m not on my works schedule for the next 4 weeks.
I was going to try an artery while they were at school but I didn’t have enough strength to cut that deep. (Also needed something much sharper). I swear if I chicken out or don’t succeed this time then I deserve to live in this hell. I’m over it. It’s leave now or watch as I lose everything very possibly even my kids at this point. I have struggled for 3 years but managed to always scrape by. Today when I went in to check the schedule and I’m not on it which means I’m out of money and will not have anymore income before Christmas wtf am I supposed to do?
I I am a miserable excuse for a human and my kids deserve so much better.
8 comments
Don’t do that to your kids. If nothing else live for them. Maybe ask work for some extra shifts?? Or get another job?? I know how you’re feeling I’ve been there. Your kids need you and they can have no one better than you- their mother. I know how hard it is for you right now, but please hold on, you’ll make it through this
I’m sorry to hear about your plight.
are you okay?
I am here… For now.
My ex husband face timed me (first time I’ve talked to him in a long time because he moved across country to avoid child support) I BEGGED HIM . Crying on FaceTime for him to help with the kids (he has no visitation do to abuse of me and the kids). He told me to go f myself and told me I was worthless and was a waste of space. (Didn’t really help much considering)
I literally have been cutting for the past 2 1/2 hours trying to deaden some of the pain I have. It’s not working this time. I just don’t understand why nothing works for me. No meds, therapy, oils I have tried everything.
how come you don’t get another job if you have all this time on your hands
You find a job that pays well and let’s you only work 2-3 days a week, let’s you take your kids to work with you because you have no one to watch them and paying someone is outrageous and doesn’t fire you when your son is hospitalized once a month and your out 5-14 days at a time. (last Monday he was hospitalized again but is home now). That’s why I got taken off the schedule. He had to have another surgery which means a million follow up appts so they just took me off completely.
Do you live in the united states?