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One might be touch starved without even knowing it

by nextime1988

I was one of those book worm nerds who started college a virgin up untill then and during all my teenage years i had never had any girlfriends, flings, hook ups……. nothing……

Fast forward to my very first semester in college, most of my class was at the library working on research group assignment.

I was standing bent over the table my group grabbed , when a female classmate gently stroke my back, now there was absolutely nothing sexual, intimate flirty about it she was just grabbing my attention to hand me a book i had asked for.

But the moment she touched me i mean it was physical, it felt like a ton of weight got off my shoulders, at the same time experienced a feeling of warmth and releif inside me as i never felt before.

A couple of years later when researching on the subject i realised at that time i was touch starved and didn’t even know it,……. now i know it which makes it even worst…..FML


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charlottevics 11/25/2015 - 3:30 pm

I’m 26 and haven’t so much as touched a male with the tip of my pinky finger. You’re not the only one.

nextime1988 11/25/2015 - 3:40 pm

omg i immagine how you must be feeling, which country are you from? i’m asking beauce there culture which are more touch starved than others….

charlottevics 11/25/2015 - 3:50 pm


nextime1988 11/25/2015 - 4:16 pm

Not exactly the most touchy feely culture indeed( Im 27 from Portugal btw) there is nothing more breaking for the soul than anfulfilled longing watching everybody around you getting it as if it is the most common of places, and no matter how far you reach you can never rally attain it for you. You know for a while

charlottevics 11/25/2015 - 4:21 pm

Well my issue is I’m kind of screwy so nobody is really interested in me.

nextime1988 11/25/2015 - 4:44 pm

How can you be screwy?

charlottevics 11/25/2015 - 5:10 pm


nextime1988 11/25/2015 - 4:48 pm

I mean im short ugly unemployed and socially akward, more screwy than this only if you do meth

nextime1988 11/25/2015 - 4:55 pm

When i say unemployed i mean o dont have a sallary per say i work with my father in his office but i lack a better options

nextime1988 11/25/2015 - 6:33 pm

Well welcome to the club mate

Hazy Day Sunflower 11/25/2015 - 3:30 pm


Hazy Day Sunflower 11/25/2015 - 3:30 pm

That was meant as a joke. Was that insensitive? My brain filter is off.

nextime1988 11/25/2015 - 3:32 pm

No is actually funny and true no worries 😉

Ylem31 11/25/2015 - 4:08 pm

Im 21, just passed 5th year of medical school. Im bisexual, but Ive never so much so as kissed any one of the 2 sexes. You’re definitely not the only one

whiskered-fish 11/25/2015 - 4:35 pm

I feel the same. The worst part? You can’t just walk up to someone and go “hey, can you touch my shoulder?”

charlottevics 11/25/2015 - 4:37 pm

Will you touch my shoulder? I’ll toucn yours. >.>

Mordred 11/25/2015 - 4:40 pm

awww. This is so adorable. I’d be pretty happy if someone said that to me.

whiskered-fish 11/25/2015 - 4:47 pm

Lol, You bet. We should all just have mutual shoulder-touching conventions. Awkwardness free! 🙂

nextime1988 11/25/2015 - 4:49 pm


Tristeza 11/25/2015 - 5:26 pm

I always have a hard time to let people hug me or touch me. I get nervous, anxious, shy… It’s a mix of feelings. Yet I wish I could be with someone I love and allow myself to hug them; a sign of affection… Affection is probably one of the most basic needs of us human beings.
Por sinal, abraço do Brasil para ti, colega português.

nextime1988 11/25/2015 - 5:46 pm

What you just described is the exact situation i’m in i guess it has to do with the fact that we know we want it but at the same time we fear to let others know that weare desperate for it.
Muito obrigado pelas tuas palavras de apoio, um abraço para ti também 😉

Tristeza 11/25/2015 - 6:01 pm

Por nada, espero que consiga mudar essa situação e ser muito feliz futuramente.

Shephard 11/25/2015 - 5:27 pm

…used to have a problem in high school where girls would just grope me out of nowhere. Grabbing my arse or running their hands under my shirt across my abs… back when I wasn’t a couple of cans short of a six-pack and I was physically fit from playing second-row in rugby.

There was a time before I was discharged from the service where I was in the MTC (army hospital) and… two army nurses in particular got a little too touchy-feely for my liking. These were commissioned officers by the way — and I was a lowly private. It just felt… odd?

These days though, I s’pose I purposely “starve” myself of that certain sensation: having a girl straddled over your lap, her eyes fixed on yours, your hands slipping through her hair. It’s all just alchemy anyway; and it’s not like it’ll save my life or anything.

Time for my painkillers.

Shephard 11/25/2015 - 5:41 pm

…this probably sounded really shallow, but yeah. Let’s just say… I used to indulge my inner “suave sonofabitch” until depression opened my eyes to just how… lifeless I was. I s’pose you could say I only use my “powers” for good now.

Which means I don’t use them at all. Haha.

@Tristeza — I understand where you’re coming from there. Not only have I had that same feeling, but a few who I’ve been with have felt that way to’rds me. Apprehensive, but with the only reason they’d ever need to be. Bonding over “past physical transgressions involving a ‘predator’ of sorts” with your S.O. is one of the more “unique” moments I’ve had, but we both learnt a lot about it — about us as survivors — y’know?
Letting down your guard and allowing yourself to… feel that way without fear or those memories coming back to haunt you is fuckin’ difficult. Hence why I’d felt so shallow over the years; I wouldn’t let myself “feel”.

Maybe I still won’t. Not entirely, anyway.


Tristeza 11/25/2015 - 6:00 pm

Yes, that’s the problem: my memories. I’ve been working on changing how I feel about myself and others to be able to move forward with my life and forget those ghosts for once and for all. I wish it was easier… I understand where the shallowness you mentioned comes from, some people hide their true feelings acting that way. It’s always a mask, and many don’t even know they’re wearing one even if they stare at themselves in the mirror. I was always too afraid to try that though, so I decided to hide and avoid physical contact. Sucks. Hopefully things will change soon. Hugs, Shephard (I’m okay with online hugs lol)

Shephard 11/25/2015 - 6:28 pm

…that’s the thing, Miss — it’ll always be difficult. I used to trick myself into thinking “yep, this’ll make things easier” or that it’d be easier in time, but it hasn’t and never will. In a sense, I’ve learnt to let those memories guide me, but not to the point where it dictates the terms of any and all relationships I bring myself into.

It’s pure, deep affection that we crave, in’nit? Yet those “memories” tend to skewer just how we’ve come to perceive said affection and for me personally; I have to fight to block them out in moments of sheer physical intimacy for fear of… well, y’know…

For a gentle soul such as yourself (and that’s something very evident in everything you’ve written during your time on SP), I sincerely and wholeheartedly hope and wish that, in time, things will change for you. Those memories will always be their, yes, but like most nightmares — time will dissipate them, as will your own determination to no longer let them command you.

(That being said: always keep your wits about you. But I reckon you know that already.)

Hugs back to you, and I’m wishing you a good evening.

Tristeza 11/25/2015 - 7:22 pm

Thank you for your words, Shep. You’re completely right. I’m just anxious to be free from my past and start a new life… I’m desperately trying to “stop being sad” as I usually say. I don’t want this anymore. I want to be free. Hopefully my determination and time will dissipate them as you said. That’s all I want.

Mf 11/25/2015 - 5:37 pm

Yeah, that’s a real thing. 33 here and i still have issues whenever touching is involved, whether it’s accidental or intended. I remember two particular situations (i have them daily but these stand out to me): 1. a few months ago someone hug me out of the blue (female acquaintance, no interest on her at all) and it was like… so awkward to me, 2. a few days ago a friend’s daughter (6-7yold) was trying me to lift her… honestly? couldn’t get myself to do it and brushed it off with a joke, because i knew it was going to feel awkward as well. And yeah, the longest you let it happen, the worst it gets.

nextime1988 11/25/2015 - 6:14 pm

It is SUPER AKWARD specially with children, i hate to deny afection to children cos i know its harmful for them, but like ive said above i fear i come off as needy which in a case of child might give the impression of wrong intentions

Mf 11/25/2015 - 6:20 pm

Yeah, i know what you mean. I can fake pretty well when around people, but i sort of feel my heart breaking if i fake with children, either by hiding that it’s uncomfortable for me, or just by avoiding them. I know that it’s actually because i feel like they don’t deserve to receive even a small fraction of consequences out of my own crap, but in turn it goes into a you just can’t win sort of situation.

SeeSmith 11/25/2015 - 5:45 pm

When it comes to being touched I only have two responses:



charlottevics 11/25/2015 - 6:18 pm

How about if I repeatedly prod you in your cheek with my big toe?

SeeSmith 11/25/2015 - 6:32 pm

That’s a Yes. If you were over 35 it would be a More.

Hazy Day Sunflower 11/25/2015 - 8:33 pm

I just spit out my soda. LOL

nepheliad 11/25/2015 - 6:04 pm

I went probably a year and a half with zero physical contact from other human beings (except for the rare hug from a family member which doesn’t count). Then this year I was given friendly hugs by a few attractive women (all taken, but still), and poked in the shoulder or bumped into by people at bars who were trying to get my attention, so that’s a step up, right? Next I gotta go to a nightclub and get wild.

Hazy Day Sunflower 11/25/2015 - 8:35 pm

Baby steps. Shouldertap<hug<subway squashed<bar tapping<strip club? (hu where that come from???)<um…..well you get the picture.

rocketman 11/25/2015 - 6:24 pm


i make it a point to touch people everyday a pat on the back goes a long ways! lots of people aren’t use to it!

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