Talentless ft. Random Stuff

{Haven’t posted or commented in a couple days, but I’ve been reading your posts. I just have no words, and I apologize. But I do think of you guys, you’re all great.}

Don’t mind me, just a late night sob fest. I just complain a lot, so if you want to listen to that then grab some popcorn and get comfy. If not, put in some headphones and tune me out (highly suggested).

So, with thanksgiving coming up tomorrow, I’ve been trying to think of things that I’m thankful for so I have a quick reaction when someone asks me.. Really all I’ve come up with are a few people in my life. And I’m grateful for them.

Then I tried to go deeper and find things about myself that I’m thankful for, and I came up short, as always. I don’t really like anything about myself. I’m not satisfied with my body, but who in the world is. I’m not as smart as people think I am. I’m a skim-through-life type of person. I learn the bare minimum of something so I can get it over with and forget it.

And I have a lot of things I actually enjoy doing, but I’m not good at any of them. I’ve always noticed I’ve been half good at everything. I love singing, but I’m church choir good and not comfortable-to-sing-solo good. I love drawing, but I’m not creative and observant enough to do anything with it. Those are just some examples.

I’m rambling now and I’m not quite sure what I’ve even said so far, but I’m in the middle of a breakdown, so bear with me. I just wish I was good at anything. At least good enough to where I wouldn’t feel the need to sing when I’m positive no one can hear me, or where I wouldn’t feel like I have to draw alone and discard them afterwards. Like I just want to feel comfortable in something, and to stop being envious of people who are good at things I could never do but so desperately wish I could.

And I don’t have the money, time, or energy to excel in anything.

I’m so ashamed of everything I try doing, because it’s always a failure. At least I’m consistent, eh?