What Did I Do? This summer in July, I was hanging out with one of my guys friends, We’ve been friends for 6 years now, and I could trust him with anything. We hung out on Thursday, It was slightly warm out, and I was wearing shorts and a T-shirt. He was sitting next to me, and we just talked, and laughed, and had fun. After about an hour, he got quiet and just stared at me, He smiled and leaned over and kissed me. I felt sparks, I felt like a million dollars. I smiled at him and felt like everything was falling into place. I was sorely mistaken. He grabbed me and started to make out with me. I was frozen in shock for a minute, and started to push him away but he kept on forcing me to kiss him. I started to cry, and I kept pushing at him trying to get him off, He didn’t budge. He forced himself on top of me, and held my hands above my head, and pulled my shirt up and stuck it into my mouth, and ripped my bra in half. He took my pants off and….well you know. He raped me. My best friend. And I don’t know why he would do that to me, after it was over he left me all alone. I was pregnant, and excited and scared. I was pregnant for 4 months, I lost the baby 5 days ago. I hate myself, I couldn’t even protect my baby and I was supposed to be his/her mother. I failed in the first 4 months of motherhood and I’ll never forgive myself. I hate my baby’s father but I loved my baby unconditionally. I wish it had been me, I wish I’d carried the 9 months and then died in place of my baby. I was so hoping for a boy, his name would’ve been Jeremy. My little Jerbear. I’ll never know now…I’ll never know.