“What keeps you from cutting?”
This question was posed upon me by my therapist recently. My answer was that I want success more than I want momentary relief from psychological pain….
So it’s just not worth it to cut anymore. Also I haven’t yet admitted to the frequency and intensity of suicidal ideation I’ve been enduring since we started talking about “what happened”. I don’t like talking about my uncle and the incest, it hurts me deep inside. I feel like I’m bleeding internally but when I vomit up my anxiety it is nothing but acrid yellow phlegm. I essentially want to rid myself of these demons from the past and the nightmares and the flashbacks and the panic attacks. It is a lot harder work then I had anticipated. I didn’t know that in confronting these feelings I would have to re-experience them. The then me and the now me are at odds with each other. I have an internal battle raging inside me.
So I ask you SP, what keeps you from cutting? I could use a good tip or two.