A Never Ending Battle

As the days go by, I only feel myself desiring to kill myself more and more. I loathe more, I argue more, I withdraw more. When things go wrong, its the only thought I have. When things go right, I remind myself that it wont last. I hate feeling like no matter what improvements I make, I’m still put down, I’m still living off others, I’m still worthless. When I try, I just find myself exhausted. All that ever brings me relief is to sleep and I think that’s only because its the closest thing I can do to death without actually killing myself. I have asked for help and I can’t seem to get it. Therapy has never aided me, I’ve only found myself angrier and more upset. My finances are way more than I can bear and I have no support system. I’ve made it a thing to push everyone out of my life. What am I to do?