Is any one awake ? Can’t sleep?
I can’t find a stable feelings, I’m all over the place, I don’t have a desire to do anything I love any more,everything so bleak, I try to express myself maybe to help ease some aniexty,or escape from me… so I’m here constantly trying to think of what to say, to myself ..to you. When I try to reply to your post I’ll sit and try to relate in words, be supportive something to make a connect, but ill either draw a blank or start writing a paragraph and end up deleting anyway…I just can’t accept myself, neither can these 3 other voices in my head
31 comments
Hey, I’m here. Just wanted to let you know that. Not really sure what to say. Sleep deprivation’s got the best of me. My mind is a fog.
Hate it when I can’t think straight. Just know, I was thinking of deleting this, then I thought, WTF, just post… I doubt it even makes sense
Same. Can’t sleep bro or ma’am. Wish i could be a cool grandma with amazing words of advice but i prolly need some more decades on me lmao. Might I suggest the album Speedin’ Bullet 2 Heaven? *0* It’s straight fireeee!
Real talk, it helps me with my nightmares. So soothing but it might not be your type of music. Anyways, right off the bat i like you. You want to connect and help strangers on the internet! Not many people give af. I have the urge to delete this long ass reply, but I won’t cause some people just want to know someone read their thoughts and cares enough to reply.
Hi @ylem31 thanks for writing me back, it’s the first cmoment I read in someone others thought then my own,thankfully I finally feel asleep for an hour or two, it the only time I feel okay, the senseless thought turn off, and I don’t even know I exist. even though the brain fog,with a million thoughts bumbarried is so badand I’m sure somewhere but i thank youeither the first comment I read in someone voice other then my own.
You can offload on me and share your thoughts. I need to forget about my shit for a moment. Tell me what the voices in your head are saying.
Or I can tell you what the voices in my head are saying to help you get over yours.
I is a girl, was gonna stay unknwown cause im so used to hiding. But Well I was rearrange words to make sense and I posted by accident and now it really doesn’t make sense, but the gist was even in a world that doesn’t make a lick of sense right now, you are here and I am here Annie bear is here, and as long as we are here, we should talk and forget, b out understanding but just post any thING because like any say sometime people just feel better reading someone else is there. I can’t even be depressed I suck at it, yesterday was a total I don’t give a fuck day, we’re I set all my problems a side and let anything out, I met with this one kid I feel comter able talking to cause I can’t stand being alone in my empty body in and empty house, I got myself banana and peanut butter cause I the only thing I get get myself to eat, I disregard what was right in my mind cause nothing right at the momment, I talked loud yelled random thing and honestly not holding back hiding help the worst is when night it and darkness ces or being in stores with Christmas music I fucking just dived back into my mind, nothing about this holiday helps I avoid going home at all cost, so I sat and cried some in dunkin donut I was lucky enough to have someone who care enough and know better not to leave me alone when I’m like that. So here I am another day, completely utter pain and I’m happy I read your responds and now I feel more inclined to just press post comment , cause honestly who cares.
I’d like to know what the voices in your head are saying, cause my all end up with the same picture of me jabbing a knives into my wrist.
Knightofdoom,
“I just can’t accept myself, neither can these 3 other voices in my head” Why can’t we all get along? 🙂 “but ill either draw a blank or start writing a paragraph and end up deleting anyway” HA HA! You wouldn’t believe the amount of shit I’ve deleted! The SP cops or community would have me locked up. 🙂
Well I see you wanna forget about you stuff too, see where in the same boat of endless thoughts, so mine go alittle something ,” oh god the sun is bright”
(I was hiding under my covers ) but I feel completely hopeless where every I go, my body feels completely drained I don’t care to talk to anyone, my family ask me to stay for christmas, cause I would have been in Florida now with my dad, they all concinved me to stay cause I clearly and to lost to know what’s right for me, then they say I’m hard to live with. My mom made the house this way so completely broken and I was so ready to get ojlut, then she decided she wants to be nice again thay lasted for bout a week now I’m stuck here and I haven’t been this depressed in years or maybe I was just pretend so much I actually convinced myself I was happy, I had my cats maybe too friends a job and I was happy with that, music art yoga all help manage mental and physical pain, now I can’t even listen to music any noise bothers me, the only music I’ve come to listen to is the beethoven moonlight sonAta in the middle on the night as I stare in to the oblivion. Now I have nothing ,a whole slur of health problems not a good thought to come too, and I’m so broken and alone,trying so hard not to hurt myself.
Hi rocketman, yeah it so werid when I think it like someone is telling me my own thought, no wonder I can’t make sense of this, I’m just rambling^ cause I have 3 different thoughts coming in my head and fingers are only typing random parts.
Wondering what horrible things you could have wrote that’s worse then go kill yourself ..lol
Glad I could make you happy.
Yelling is a very good way to let out some pain. I can’t really just yell here. They’ll think I’ve gone nuts. (Hey, they already think that anyway.)
Christmas music… Christmas time. Nothing I hate more than that. I wish the holidays were over already. Tired of having to pretend to be happy when I’m not. Yet again, I don’t want to ruin the holiday for everyone else.
There’s something about this time of the year that makes me more suicidal.
Its a good thing that you have someone who cares. In those hard moments, when you have a meltdown, you just need a shoulder to cry on. Being alone doesn’t really help. You become impulsive and do something you’ll regret, or not even live to regret.
Also, in those hard times is when you realise who really cares about you.
Knightofdoom, Hello!
rocketman: Hello!
voice no 2: don’t tell him hello!
voice no 3: why not? 🙂
Ylem it sure is, two night ago screamed my heart out on the beach in what I used to think is freezing weather, and so loud and long I though someone may have called the cops, no goes to show if someone was to die and let out hauting shrills no one would do a damn thing. After that just layer in the sand till my aniexty rose again.
God I wish you could scream, why can’t you scream? You live with people? I had to getaway as far as possible till I WA s alone, you should to that it might help mommentarily, I’d like to know more about you if you don’t mind?
Christmas is defiantly the worst holiday, the amount of stress that comes with it is just not worth it. So unhappy it hurts, we were just bulls hiring in stores to help take my mind off of things and I couldn’t even think with the amount of bulls hit music playing was making me more mad I had to leave. I just walked out.then broke down
Rocket man, my friend would joke with me cause I have control issues so he flip my water on it side and I force myself not to stand it up right. Really urks me, trying to let go, really one of the hardest things to do.
Knightofdoom,
would like to help but i can’t control myself, hope it gets better.
Thought process: cleans bath tub, before killing self.
Knightofdoom,
Thought process: go to bank, get all the money i can, then go to casino get room,pick up chicks, gamble all night till tired, go to room,place money on bed for the room maid that finds me for ruining her day and stick a couple hundred up my ass for the undertaker,then kill myself.
Knightofdoom: thinking of you laying on the sand at the beach is kinda comforting. I usually spend my nights under a tree when I can’t take being inside the house. I can’t scream because there are people in the house. I can’t really get away unless it’s late at night.
Ylem31,
your always laying under a tree 🙂 why a tree?
Rocketman
what if you lose all the money at the casino? That ruins the last part of the plan.
Don’t really know. I find peace under that tree. I think I’ll die there…
Thought process : eat all the delicious food, pets all the cats in the world kill self.
Ylem, it was really comforting, the sad was cold under neither me and I gazed into the night sky as the dark clouds roll across the moon, for the first time I was calm ,finally release what was buildi ng up in me, I was plani ng on laying there for ever , never going home.
Laying under tree in the sunshine is all I used to do in the summer when I thought I guess I was happy, natures kind my dream my escape
Yem: dying under a tree sounds peaceful , I mean the dying might hurt but least the zeigest was serene .. I heard this story once of a man that love laying under a a tree so his last final wishes were to be buried under the tree..and it says his spirit haunts the tree, maybe that will be you.
God no! As much as I love that tree, I don’t want my spirit to be roaming the earth forever. I’m trying to get away from this world.
Lol, I understand I’m the same way…I wanna float in to the sunset one sunny sunny day and have my soul emerge with the sun, something so beautiful could never become of something so ugly such as suicide. As much as I’m in pain I’m scared it won’t be worth it in the end.
Wake me in 3 weeks
We’re do you wanna go after you die?
I’ve never really thought about where I’d end up after I die or what the afterlife is like. If it even exists. I think we just cease to exist. Everything that was me just shuts off. Just as long as I have that. No more thoughts. Just nothingness is good for me.
I think about it all the time, even when I thought I was happy it was me basically dreaming of what the afterlife must be like, I know right now nothingness sounds great but I just hope it could be so much more then that, peace calm and just glowing cheer. It must exist somewhere if not here
@knight: I delete things too. Constantly. I would living on the beach in a tent if I could get away with it. There isn’t any place for me to put the chickens though and I’m unsure if the Mustang Island is zone for livestock. Even if it is delicious.