I just don’t want to do it anymore, man. I’m simply not cut out for this whole “living” thing.
I really don’t know how to answer your question in a single comment. I could ramble on about all my reasons for hours.
But I still feel like I need to say something specific or else I look like a liar.
People in first world countries don’t feel less pain. The kind of feeling you are describing doesn’t only happen to people in poor countries. And a lot of first world problems are pretty serious (I know three men who died in their 40s/early 50s because first world medicine couldn’t help them).
In a way, being surrounded by good things but unable to feel happiness might be worse than being in a miserable situation, because it makes you feel so much guilt and confusion. Our internal reactions are not always directly tied to external conditions.
Thanks. It’s not even about the first world, really. It’s just that on here and irl, I’ve met so many people who wanted to die because their family hates them, or because they had no one and were utterly alone, or because their futures were uncertain and they were living paycheck to paycheck with no hope of a better tomorrow. And here I am, with everything they could ever want and more, and I have the freaking audacity to wish I had their lot? Life makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
Anyway, I’m getting off track. The bottom line is this: I hate it when people say that I’m selfish, or that people like me are selfish. Ha! Right, I’m selfish. Sure. Never mind the fact that, besides the fear of a bad afterlife, the only thing that really keeps me from ending it already is OTHER PEOPLE. I don’t want to hurt anyone by leaving them or by wasting all the blessings that they’ve worked so hard to give me. That’s what all of those above reasons are about.
I keep living everyday for everyone but myself. Yeah, I’m selfish alright.
Sure, maybe I won’t feel like this tomorrow. Maybe, by some miracle. But I will feel like this again. If not tomorrow, then some other day. I can’t keep doing this.
I completely completely relate. I just feel like everyday is such a struggle and if I didn’t have people who cared for me I would be dead or living on the streets. Mental illness and depression don’t care what our life circumstances are, it takes hold of our minds and spirits and doesn’t seem to want to let go.
I’m sorry that you do. Relate, I mean. Naturally, though, I hope the best for you. That you pull through.
I didn’t die last night. Still haven’t decided whether that’s good or not, though.
What’s funny strange is the only reason I found this forum is because I was googling ways to do it last night. Yet I didn’t. Because, family. I foolishly have hope that things can get better as long as I focus on the positives and not the negatives. But it’s as though my mind is stuck in this pattern of pessimism and fear and I can’t seem to break free. No matter how hard I try I just feel like I’m getting myself in deeper and deeper. Like quicksand.
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Sounds like you have a lot to live for.
What is it that is causing you to want to end it??
I just don’t want to do it anymore, man. I’m simply not cut out for this whole “living” thing.
I really don’t know how to answer your question in a single comment. I could ramble on about all my reasons for hours.
But I still feel like I need to say something specific or else I look like a liar.
People in first world countries don’t feel less pain. The kind of feeling you are describing doesn’t only happen to people in poor countries. And a lot of first world problems are pretty serious (I know three men who died in their 40s/early 50s because first world medicine couldn’t help them).
In a way, being surrounded by good things but unable to feel happiness might be worse than being in a miserable situation, because it makes you feel so much guilt and confusion. Our internal reactions are not always directly tied to external conditions.
Thanks. It’s not even about the first world, really. It’s just that on here and irl, I’ve met so many people who wanted to die because their family hates them, or because they had no one and were utterly alone, or because their futures were uncertain and they were living paycheck to paycheck with no hope of a better tomorrow. And here I am, with everything they could ever want and more, and I have the freaking audacity to wish I had their lot? Life makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
Anyway, I’m getting off track. The bottom line is this: I hate it when people say that I’m selfish, or that people like me are selfish. Ha! Right, I’m selfish. Sure. Never mind the fact that, besides the fear of a bad afterlife, the only thing that really keeps me from ending it already is OTHER PEOPLE. I don’t want to hurt anyone by leaving them or by wasting all the blessings that they’ve worked so hard to give me. That’s what all of those above reasons are about.
I keep living everyday for everyone but myself. Yeah, I’m selfish alright.
I wanna go tonight. And I wish, perhaps foolishly, that I didn’t have these tethers keeping me here. That way, I could just do it.
Sure, maybe I won’t feel like this tomorrow. Maybe, by some miracle. But I will feel like this again. If not tomorrow, then some other day. I can’t keep doing this.
I completely completely relate. I just feel like everyday is such a struggle and if I didn’t have people who cared for me I would be dead or living on the streets. Mental illness and depression don’t care what our life circumstances are, it takes hold of our minds and spirits and doesn’t seem to want to let go.
I’m sorry that you do. Relate, I mean. Naturally, though, I hope the best for you. That you pull through.
I didn’t die last night. Still haven’t decided whether that’s good or not, though.
What’s funny strange is the only reason I found this forum is because I was googling ways to do it last night. Yet I didn’t. Because, family. I foolishly have hope that things can get better as long as I focus on the positives and not the negatives. But it’s as though my mind is stuck in this pattern of pessimism and fear and I can’t seem to break free. No matter how hard I try I just feel like I’m getting myself in deeper and deeper. Like quicksand.