All I want is some peace of mind. And I can’t even do it. Im scared of killing myself. Id probably mess it up if i did try! Life hurts every waking moment. Im stuck, I’m forever hurting, crying, dying to live!
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Besides the possibility of messing up, what scares you about it?
I guess just dying itself. Would i even feel relief, or nothing at all because my real life would be over. unless i messed that up too. I just don’t want to feel this way anymore. On the verge of crying all the time. I let loose a few tears, sat around with a frown. The usual.
Theres nothing after death. I don’t even know what i want. But i know i dont want to keep my brain on. Maybe i do. I cant figure anything out.
Stay for a while…talk it makes things better sometimes.
I feel like if your life were really unsalvagable and hopeless, you wouldn’t care about the Nothing after death. Your pain is very real, and I’m not saying it isn’t or trying to make it seem like no big deal. I’m just saying that I agree with Hazy. Stay for a while, talk. If you’re hesitant to end it all, then that must mean that there is some little thread of hope in your life.
wat is tht makes u want to die ?
I know hazy. Thanks, but i dont know what to say that doesnt sound like me just complainig about my own mess ups. Could haves. I thought i felt better before. But i was just holding it in i think. I try to think about hope or change. This time last year is when i began talking to her
Its a fake hope. Its the hope that i could talk to her(the girl) again.. But i know.. I think i know i cant.. And to forever live after this.. Is a cruel thing i make myself look forward too. Like everything im ignoring. Family, friends. New things, i still dont want to lift my head up or even look both ways before crossing. I do though
It’s okay if you want to vent and complain. That’s what this site is meant for. We’ll listen.
I have to go to bed in a few minutes, but if you can make it for eight more hours, I’ll still be here, and listening. And if you can’t wait that long, there are lots of other people here who will be awake for you.
Truth there whisker.
I just wish i could have another chance. I would do anything. I liked doing anything i could. But i was told i couldnt change her mind. To leave her alone. Then again i said this before her friend had to tell me to do whatever i got to do to not contact her. To just get over it. Someone that was everything to me. And i blew it.. Life wont ever get better then 2015. I didnt say alot or probably even the right things. I was given chances. I think.
you will have another chance, a chance to feel this way. However if you end it the woman who is waiting to give you that chance never will be able to. Start walking forward and she is waiting for you. She knows she is waiting for you and her hand is reached out to meet her.
You won’t meet her if you don’t start walking forward. She is better than the one you are leaving behind. I pretty sure she like bacon.
Thanks hazy, I was just about to write her and await rejection if id even get that. But then i read your comment and it helped alil
Your struggle is resonating deeply with me this morning. I really understand what you are going through. Even though my situation is different. The grey rainy day isn’t helping much today either. or listening to Kid A.
“I was just about to write her and await rejection”… Dude, I know it’s tough (that deep emotional attachment that apparantly was false and built on lies). Get out there and start meeting other women.
Now im not supposed to think about the only thing i think about. I so badly want to write her for months now. And im so badly afrraid to do so.. My eyes are watering as i write
Why not write her a letter here. Many do this here. I may be doing something like this today. I’m a trainwreck that has left the station headed for the cliff. She will never see it and you are free to delete it once you work this out of your system. It really does help, especially since everyone on here has stood in your shoes in one way or another. Either they have been left behind by someone or never were given the chance to have someone leave them behind. We each have a piece you feel right now.
I will do so hazy. Its so hard to think of what to write. I was.. Just gonna ask if i could talk to her again.. But if i write her a letter here.i have so much to say n think about, if i can even muster it up
It doesn’t even have to make sense. It doesn’t have to be well written, it can be complete gibberish. The point is just getting the stink out of your head. Think of it as pulling a tape worm from your ear, It is going to be messy and hurt some but in the end your head will be clear of this segmented worm that has been siphoning off your energy and you will be able to think clearly.
Thanks whisker
Ehrm… are you sure that her friend is being honest with you? i’m often paranoid about this things, so the first thing that came to my mind was: friend lying for own interests. Sure, i might be blatantly wrong, but i just had to ask.
I can come back from this. I have to.
You can come back from this. Keep walking forward. If you can find friends to take your hand to guide you forward all the better, sometimes I just close my eyes and forget where I am walking. The direction doesn’t matter as long as it is away.
I had one up, deleted it. The ex’s friend was her friend w/own relat, guided me to stop trying to contact her after I had already tried. But I so wanted to do my best thats all I thought I did do.
Sometimes it takes a good outside perspective: Someone without any emotional investment in all of it to tell you what it is. When you’re ready for me to give you the hard and honest truth, let me know. It’ll cost you nothing. And when you accept it, I’m sure you’ll be ready to move on. But yeah, keep writing, it’s negative energy, but it’s still energy that needs to come out in some way.
Thanks october.. I’m in no way ready for that hard truth. Im sure i’ve heard it, I just thought wrong above the odds, again..
And I didn’t say the right things.. I think I gave her a hard time. I probably did.. I probably earned this.. I just wanted to do good that I can’t believe I thought I was.
Like I said, when you’re ready, I’ll lay it all out. I can even put it in a private post if you so desire.
I could use some hard truth today if you are dishing it out. You giving away free hard truth today October or will I have to write some lyrics to go with your beautiful pictures?
Wait no, forget that October, I don’t want hard truth today it may be the last blow.
You guys do really help.
Can we wait for it just hearing your advice on writing out… distracted and redirected any negative thoughts i was having if only for a min. But i dont want the truth now, i know i dont.. Dam, only for a minute did feel good
Sometimes I just try to get to the next day, or next hour. Today I’m just trying to get to the next minute. I might have a minute tabulator so I can calculate the minutes I am here today until I get to tomorrow. The numbers might give me some measure of comfort today.
Yea i just really like what you guys have to say. Like I can’t wait to read what you guys think and write and its a good distraction. If only for a minute
Its cool i rather it be publicized maybe it could help another person in the process. Not now..
though unless you deem it necessary.
Mind if I ask you how old you are?
tiredthoughts,
it shouldn’t be easy to kill yourself, it’s a big decision the last one you will ever make, obviously you still believe there is hope, as long as you believe there is hope you shouldn’t kill yourself.
Im in my 30’s
tiredthoughts,
what really makes me mad really pisses me off is you are in your prime, you should be conquering the world! not your fault but everyone should feel that way at your age.
Thanks for the inspiration rocketman. I will try to pick myself back up to get back out there
Thanks too October. I just didnt want to let go the best thing in my mind. Even though its already gone
tiredthoughts,
Now that’s my hero!!! get out there and start conquering!!!
What happened to octobers post. I thought it was good
He pulls them down regularly. Best to soak in the October wisdom as it happens and not look back.
I most certainly do. Thanks hazy, october, rocket and allitends for your wisdom too. Theres others im forgetting to name too