When i was 9-10 years old, i got my first computer, and since then i began to ignore my friends and school. Even though I play video games all day, I suck at them. My family use to know me as a “computer expert”, but when they asked for my help, they see how incompetent I was at solving their problems. i don’t have any friends, i’m so stupid, i don’t even know the multiplication table, i can’t even write simple essay,i’m so lazy and bad at everything.I’m a big failure. I think of suicide everyday since i turned 17. Every time i look down from the terrace of the bloc where i live, i think of jumping from it, but i think of how i will ruin my parents life and the people that will see me down there.Is there point of living ? how could i be useful.
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There are a lot of volunteers for all kinds of projects where being useless isn’t a big problem. I worked on one growing organic vegetables for the last 18 months. Now I am the cleaner at the food bank supermarket and offices. It is a way of being a bit useful even though I am actually a bit useless 😀 There are all kinds of things to do volunteering. It is really hard to get motivation to do something and obviously you have to be able to get there and I don’t know how cut off you are in that way. It is a good way to get out of the house though and do something and you meet other misfits.
Brilliant idea. Yes what say you find something just to keep your blood moving. Fwiw you are not useless just introverted.
Oh and please don’t jump from your balcony. Just don’t. Try volunteering first. Nothing to lose and the balcony isn’t going anywhere.
Really sounds like you could use some IRL help. Is there anyone you could talk to about this? If you don’t think your parents would understand then maybe a counselor?
I wish I had figured out at your age how much time I had wasted shutting myself away from the world. The sooner you confront that, the easier it is to change. There are so many ways to live a worthwhile life that have nothing to do with academic skills (or computers.) However inept you feel you are, there are so many possibilities.
I agree that volunteering is a good way to start. It gets you out there, trying new things, figuring out who you want to be, building self-confidence. But also try to find someone you can talk to about this stuff, who understands, and will encourage your progress.
It’s so much simpler to make a fresh start while you’re a teenager – everyone accepts that your identity is in flux, and that you’ll make lots of mistakes along the way. Who you are in 5 years could be completely different, and you’d write this off as ‘just a phase’.
If you’re still screwed up as an adult (like me), people are much harsher in their judgments.
You play video games, well I hate to change the subject but you should try supporting roles in them like healing and stuff if you play online games its really useful plus depending on the game you play you’ll find friends through being supportive