I complain about my job all the time and I’m sorry. But today I came across some new things.
Today, I had access to Z’s computer. I looked through her IM’s between her and T and they’re all complaining about me or making fun of me.
They would call me stupid, but they’re the ones who would expect me to read their minds and know how to do something I’ve never been trained in. They would belittle my work and say I was basically doing nothing but sitting on my ass, but they clearly don’t care if it’s work our boss gave me to do. They would talk about how much they hate me and wish I were fired, but they obviously don’t understand I am this way because of how they treat me. They would talk about how much they wish they could scream at me, but they don’t know I’m having a rough day and how hard it was to do anything, let alone come into work. They talked about how much time I’ve missed within the year, and it was nearly two full work weeks (one of which I had in vacation/sick time and the other I made up most of my hours), but I think roughly 49 weeks out of 52 weeks present is pretty good, considering I didn’t even want to be alive at any point within that 52. They would laugh at me whenever I’d be out sick, but they didn’t know I’d be at home trying to talk myself out of killing myself.
They broke me. They really did. I remember how optimistic and excited I felt when I started here, and it makes me feel worse. I can’t believe I let them do this to me. I was so much better before this place. How can they be so okay with tearing people down the way they do. Stripping people of their will to live.
I am the lioness. They are the poisonous snakes. They don’t deserve to be the lion. They were never as strong as I was. They are cowards. They only have their poison to take down others and they hide behind it. If they find anyone who is better than them, they use it, and they use it well. I had my sheer strength, power, and confidence to get through. I had so much going for me, until they used their poison against me. Everyday, they wore me down until I found myself a helpless, dying lion. They drained all my strength, my power, and my confidence. If it weren’t for their poison, they wouldn’t have made it to where they are now. Everyone else would’ve taken them down, or put them in a cage as their pet. Yeah, if they bit it would hurt, but you’d get over it. No matter how strong the lion, they aren’t resilient to poison.
I know it sounds ridiculous to want to kill yourself over a job or a couple of no self-esteem bitches, but when you get attacked everyday, there’s going to be a point where you can’t fight back anymore, you find yourself no longer able to stand, you can barely crawl away, suddenly you realize you haven’t moved in days, then you find yourself no longer breathing. How are people so okay with ruining everyone…
12 comments
Hang in, hold on. It’s coming
I’m trying my best.. Thank you.
Are there some nice people at work besides those two? And what do you do in your free time?
There’s only like 15 people who work here and there’s only three nice people, but of course I don’t really work with any of them. And my time outside of work? I play videogames. It’s the only thing that can ever take my mind off things.
What job do you do?
Ahh 🙂 I just returned from a sojourn in Skyrim 🙂
I tried to play Skyrim and I loved it and just the concept of it and everything. I absolutely love games like that. But when I got to level 3, I was running through the woods and a level 7 wizard dude popped out and killed me. AND IT JUST KEPT RE-SPAWNING ME TO THE PART WHERE HE SAW ME. I WAS SO MAD. Anyway, I rage quit so hard I never went back to the game..
I was bullied from grade 3-8. And what did I do, I fought the assholes all the time, and got suspended on my last week at school. As an adult, beating the shit out of someone else really isn’t an option (unless you’re willing to deal with a ‘jury of your peers’). Nowadays, I shut people down by convincing myself that the people around me are insignificant, and actually using my head when confronted with an issue.
I’d be very blunt with them, call them out on their egos and how poisonous they are (but i’d go into specifics instead of saying poisonous). and smile the entire time, as a show of confidence. one of them would be nothing without her evil and repulsive stepsister on the sidelines to back her up (if they’re ganging up on you, then they’re such pathetic little pansies).
Just try not to let assholes like them be the direct causes of your death.
If I said anything back to them, I’d be immediately fired. They’re just looking for anything now other than the fact they hate me. It almost feels like they’re trying to force me to blow up on them. Then they can run up to our boss and say all the fighting and arguing is caused by me and I’d be out. But they’re both like 50 years old ganging up on a 20 year old. I have a lot of shit I could use against them, but I’m not stooping to their level.
I had a similar situation with my last job. Getting up to go into that hell hole was terrible. They had “clicks” you see, and if you weren’t part of their little group, you pretty much got shitted on. So what did I do? Got my shit together and got a better job. Not saying that this one is any better but shoot compared to that last one, it’s heaven. Get out of that that place asap.
You are a lion. Don’t let them muzzle your roar.
I really want to get a new job. I was never a part of their group, and I don’t ever want to be. Thank you for everything you said to me. It all means a lot.
You are still the lioness. Still stronger then they are. Gossip is weakness. Your metaphors of the poison snakes is perfect. This visual was spectacular.
Thank you. It was the only way I could describe them. I’m glad it worked out well.