I wrote again… And no good for me

I think I can move on. Like everyone says. I wrote and explained and tried… And I know she’s over me. Theres nothing to save. I tried.. Apologized. She said she isn’t sitting in her place sad thinking about how I lied. She’s not mad or upset. She good and doing fine. She asked since i know this too why I torture myself. I said I deserved it. I feel I do. Where i thought we had something she replied we were in two very different relationships. She don’t care. Thats all i cared about. But it doesnt matter. Makes me not want to see my own family. I dont feel any hope anymore. I feel like i always have felt. After her asking me to stop. I just asked why can’t i be friends or end on good terms. But thats just my feelings talking. But i asked, I tried. She said ok good terms, happy now? I felt better. Well i felt less like a piece of shit. I feel better. But it will go away in a day or two.