I’m not dead, if anybody cares.

It’s Hard

It’s hard, nearly impossible, to describe the way one feels when they are with her. It cannot be grasped from a single emotion or moment in time, but comes from knowing  her. How when you talk to her, you can be honest, but you cannot be ignorant. Or the little jokes and common things that always seem to be there. A humor with the occasional sadistic twist. Difficulty to make her smile, even in the best of times. Her insistence on making everyone wear a seatbelt in her car, no matter what the distance may be. Something that isn’t quite being cold, but isn’t any form of warmth. The way that little bruise in the center of her throat always comes back, persevering on for some unknown reason. Her hair auburn color, that is so very rare in this world. Sometimes you can almost put a word to it, something to describe this feeling from the basest, most instinctual, part of you. Then it’s gone. Maybe it’s preferable to never know, to never have a name for what that is. But maybe it’s better if you know, if you can say, “Yes, this is what I feel and nobody can take this away from me.” Pain comes with wanting her, for she will never return the feelings of devotion and caring you do. It’s a sad thing, it drags a blade of heartache through your mind. It’s impossible not to want her. It’s impossible to have her, and maybe that’s a damned shame. Maybe it’s for the better when all you are is a beast, a shadow in the form of a man. The only question is, whose happiness is more important?

A Beast

A beast with a silver tongue

A heart of fool’s gold

A body covered in scars

A mind full of pain

Lies hidden behind pretty words

Pain hidden behind false smiles

Eternal loneliness

These are what the beast lives with

The darkness questions

Where’s your strength

How dare you feel this way

What gives you the right

The darkness says he deserves it

Maybe he does

After what he has done

Does he deserve forgiveness

His soul cries out

Begs for the darkness to leave

Anything, as long as it will leave

The darkness only digs in deeper

Escape is all he wants

There is only one way

It is to lie down in a coffin

And that’s the way the beast likes it