Dear Dad,
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I’m not what you want me to be. I’m sorry I have an attitude. I’m sorry that I keep dissapointing you.
I’m sorry that you hate me. I’m sorry I’m not perfect. I just can’t do this anymore– knowing that all I could ever do
is dissapoint you. All I can do is make you hate me even more than the minute before. I don’t know what to do anymore.
All that makes sense is ending the pain, ending your struggle and stress. Ending the problems that I’ve caused. I’m not a good person. I don’t even like myself, I understand why you do not.
Why am I still alive, Dad? Why was I ever alive? I have nothing to live for. I hate everything and everyone. You hate me.
My mom hates me. My siblings hate me. I hate me. Why am I here? What is the point? There isn’t a point. Actually,
you, mom, —–, etc.; hating me, has really helped me make my decision. I can die and you wouldn’t care. I can end the burden of me being here.
I was already missing before the night I left. I want to run away. I want to kill myself, Dad. I don’t have a reason. I just want to disappear. Who am I? I can’t stand being here. I’m just a waste of perfectly good space. Why don’t you just tell me to leave– tell me I don’t need to be here? I would leave in a heart beat. Anything to fix the pain I’ve caused. I would run to the end of the world and jump off to please you. Nothing I can do pleases you. I don’t see myself anywhere in the next few years. I have a feeling I’ll be dead. I’ll be long gone and your smile will reappear.
You can have your life back; I’m giving it back to you. I don’t want to mess it up anymore. I don’t expect this to make you cry. I don’t ever expect to make you cry. I don’t want to do that anymore. I just want to leave and fix your problems. You can help my siblings. You can get them farther in life. You can have more money, and afford more things that you want. I won’t be completely gone, and that may bother you, but I will always be with you, even if you don’t want me there. I honestly don’t care if you hate me, it makes everything that much easier.
Sincerely,
Your Daughter.
1 comment
I am sorry to see that you are hurting so very badly. I don’t know what terrible things you have done but I cannot imagine that your dad or anyone else wishes you dead for it. Maybe it is true that your entire family dislikes the way you have behaved (I don’t know what you have done, maybe it wasn’t your fault, maybe you did it out of hurt and fear) but they don’t want you dead because of it. If you want to make things better you can change and repair the damage. I know how it feels to have let everyone down and messed everything up but I promise that it is possible to change and make things better. Please don’t end your life. Please get help, you can get through this.