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Its too much

by Wanttogiveup

I’m killing myself before I go back to school. How? I don’t know. I just know I am. Everything is just adding up to being a crappy year. I’ve had so little to hold onto. Depression has hit me like a semi truck, anxiety the wheels that ran me over. School is terrible, I pushed my friends away, my ex gf got cancer, and to top it off, we were supposed to go on a skype date but she fell in love with someone else. So yeah. I have nothing. No will to live. 

 

To my friends: no. This was not your fault. Many of you tried to help me but it wasn’t working. I do not blame you for a second.

 

To Alyssa: I hope you survive your cancer. You were the best girlfriend any guy could ask for. you calmed me from my panic attacks, my nightmares, and when the depression acted up you cheered me up. But in the end I was never good enough. You broke up with me so I wouldn’t be heartbroken if you died. But then you fell in love with someone else. I always told you that you deserve better, and it finally happened. You are an amazing person. If you survive I hope with a full heart you get your dream job, have the 2 kids you want, and live a full life. Ich liebe dich Tiger.

To the lucky guy she fell in love with: if you hurt her I will climb out of my grave and put you in it.

To everyone else: I’m sorry.

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Randall 12/21/2015 - 6:26 pm

I hope you manage to hang in. You mention you’ve had very little to hold on to. Well, I’ve passed through many years of living as a human and discovered there is nothing to hold on to in this life. That sounds depressing, but it’s not. Once you get used to the ‘fact’ that every thing, every situation, ever relationship, will dissolve like sand through your fingers; the good and the bad, then it’s easier to relax with whatever comes because you know it’ll pass through. It’s just the way of it.

Limited_infinity 12/21/2015 - 6:57 pm

I know this is a crass request as I’m not in your shoes but please stick around, vent some more and spout some more wisdom! I re-read your previous posts and I understand that things have been turbulent over the past few months, but the thing is you’ve still come through them. Yeah it might not have been easy, or nice, but you still passed through them.
Perhaps turn your attention to something different, even if only briefly, sometimes I find that helps me to reconsider my actions before all hell breaks loose…

And I agree with Randall that once you accept life’s fluidity, going with the flow can be good. You have plenty of time left to ride, so spending a bit more time might do you the world of good…

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