Suicide…Read This First Response

Hello,
I just recently came across this site as I was in a broken state. I’ve taken hundreds of online depression quizzes and all seem to say the same thing…that I am severely depressed. Every time I bring up being tested to my mom, she makes it seem like it’s a big joke and laughs. It has never once got through to her that maybe something is wrong with me. People talk about me, “friends” don’t want to hang around me, my mother claims im a long list of words such as: ugly, fat, a pig, stupid, attention seeker, drama, dumb ass, retarded….. the list goes on. If i’m not getting picked on at home, i’m getting comments from “friends” at school about my personal relationships and how I wouldn’t understand their topics of conversation because I have never had a boyfriend before. I feel like a failure to the world and every day I just get worse and worse. This past year I’ve gotten so bad that now suicide is what I feel the only option for me is. As I went upstairs after my family left, I had everything set out to end my life…..but then I came across the letter ‘Suicide…Read This First’ and it changed me. It put me in tears because I knew that once the deed is done everything is over. I may have a shitty life, family and friends but on here, people understand me. They don’t get quiet when I tell them my thoughts or they don’t tell me that I need to check into a hospital asap. They have their own stories to tell and I’ve realized that the people who care most about me, are these people on this site.