Is not being able to tell anyone. Limited to a note. An afterthought. No deep conversations. No reassurances. Just a fucking piece of paper. I want to tell people. I dont want to be stopped. I want to say a real goodbye. But you cant. You have to hold the secret, while you make ready. You have to prepare them without telling them. That’s what makes it a selfish act. How selfish of society, to make something so personal into a selfish act itself, because you can’t ease the burden for them without interference.
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Agree. This is what I’ve been struggling with too. I’ve wished I could just speak up, to tell them all I want them to know. To answer all their questions. To give them closure, but all that we leave behind are writings from our perspective. I’ve been keeping journals a lot of my entries focus on why I feel the way I do and how I want all of that to just subside so I can live a normal life. I’ve always felt I don’t really want to die, I just want to kill my problems.