Sorry this is so long, but I’m so confused and heartbroken right now. I need advice/opinions.
This past weekend was a party at a friend’s house. MC (my friend that I love so deeply and can’t get over) was there, but I felt OK. I was OK when people were talking to J (MC’s fiancé) about what wedding dress she going to buy. Just to be safe though, I avoided MC. But after awhile it felt childish to be talking to everyone but him. So I said hello and we joked around a little. He was in a great mood, but he kept putting his face and hands very close to my face when we were talking, so much so I noticed it and it internally upset me. Why was he so much in my “personal space”?
At one point I sat down on the stairs and he came up and sat down next to me and we had another joke together which everyone laughed along at. We sat next to each other like that for quite awhile. I felt such an attraction to him while sitting next to him (and we weren’t even touching) and it made me so shy and sad. Don’t know if he felt it too; I tell myself it’s all in my mind. But can an attraction ‘vibe ‘ be felt by only one person? Was this the chemistry we had reappearing?
The next night a group of us (A and C, MC and J, me and my husband) went to see a local rock band and we all sat at the same table. My husband at least stayed and was in a good mood (he left early from the previous party). My husband and I had a few drinks and we sat close to each other; he put his arm around me and I leaned on his shoulder while we watched the band. For the first time in a very, very long time, I felt really happy and connected to my husband and was having a good time. I focused on the band so I wouldn’t have to talk to MC or J. I noticed MC was doing some weird things though, like putting both arms around J while trying to pour half his beer into J’s empty glass while holding both glasses. J looked surprised. Anyway, MC and J left before we did. Relaxing with my husband’s arm still around me, I waved goodbye, J waved goodbye back, but MC came over and squeezed my shoulder hard, to which I instinctively (and stupidly) gave his hand a hard squeeze back. And I became unnerved by his gesture because years ago he squeezed my shoulder like that and I melted with attraction, and he knows it. So why did he squeeze my should now? Why did he feel he needed to touch me? Did he remember that it “melted” me or was he just being friendly? Does he still have feelings for me, was he jealous, is this all in my head? What the hell am I supposed to do?
His actions at the party and club dragged up so much heartbreak and longing. I was getting so much better, but now I’m a wreck again. My therapist thought his actions were odd, but offered no opinions since he didn’t know what to make of it either. Has anyone done this or experienced this? What the hell do you think it all mean?