I woke up this morning, but i’m not happy to say i did. Tried to OD last night, but i threw everything up in my sleep apparently. I don’t know if i took enough, i was drunk when i took the pills. Was definitely enough to make me feel sick. My roomate (who was my fiance, broke up with me after cheating on me) isn’t here and i have no one to talk to. He usually helps me with this stuff, but i don’t feel like i can trust him anymore. I’m left with no one to talk to. Once i mustered enough strength to get out of bed and shower, i signed up for this site. I guess i’m hoping i can find someone to relate to, because i feel like i’m alone in the dark here.
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I know that awful feeling of being completely alone.
The feeling of struggling just to get out of bed.
I’m disabled and I live alone.
I’ve spent entire days in bed, both because I’m too depressed to get up and because my body can’t handle it.
People in the outside world have no clue about the ugly struggles we face with depression.
Depression plus disability plus alone-ness… it’s a toxic mix.
You will find a lot of people here who can relate to what you are feeling.
We have the same kind of emptiness.
Come pull up a chair and grab some hot chocolate.
Hi rabbit: First off welcome (I think?) to this forum. I’m glad you found us. There are so many people on this site that have in the past or are currently standing in your shoes. Lots of good listeners, very supportive folks who struggle daily for any number of reasons. Lots of diverse folks from all over the globe, I am continually shocked at the biodiversity we have here at SP. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t get a ton of replies sometimes, people are either busy IRL or perhaps they have read the post and don’t have the energy to type something. Lots of reasons. I will say your post has been read by any myriad of individuals. Sometimes I wish there was a “looked at” tally, like on web pages where it says how many have visited the page.
Anyway, nice to see you. As you can see my death by marshmallow scheme last night didn’t go well. Still typing, still marshmallows left.
I agree; I wish there was a “looked at” tally, so we can see that people at least read what we wrote. Otherwise we’re left wondering.
And I loved the death by marshmallows thing.
Well, the marshmallow part, not the death part.
(You know what I mean). 😉
Hazy Day Sunflower,
May I please have a marshmallow
How does one go about killing themself with marshmallows? Sounds dangerously tasty.
I’m still at it. It’s taking forever. I may give up.
Hey RH, Sorry about the mess Its awful to have to clean that up (right!) like you don’t feel bad enough. I’m kinda new here, take a good look around read a few old post someone here has felt as you. Believe me the more you read the Darkness recedes.
Thank you for the replies. I am new to this site, so thanks as well for the welcomes. The mess was pretty bad but cleaning up after myself humbles me in a way, i think. The vomit smelled bloody and made me puke again while i was cleaning it, and there was chalky muck in all of it from the pills. I spent the day cutting my thighs and my roomate is still not home so i may try to take more pills if i can find some. I dont know.
HI rabbit. I was joking earlier about the marshmallows. My heart truly goes out to you. Nothing is worse than finding myself in a pool of my own vomit. Humbling as well. Ladies aren’t supposed to be found in pools of their own vomit, or drunk smashing windows etc etc. Still, I’ve been where you are today, dazed cleaning up vomit, roommate still not home, baffled about life. This was pre-internet era so there weren’t any places like SP to let off steam. I’m glad you are here letting off steam, it is important to do this in an environment that is non judgemental. something rarely found IRL. People just get caregiver poopout too fast. A sad fact of caring for folks who have cyclical mental illness is that the people around them just get exhausted and give up. The nice thing about a forum like this is there is a current of people, like a river, that flows through the site. I prevents poop out.
OH and um. Yeah don’t take any more pills. Give the tumtum a rest mkay?
I watch a really good movie this morning, August, Osage County. Sometimes I wish my Family was that well adjusted.
Eeew Puke smell, you know how some people just vomit when they hear or see someone throw up. Someone should do a secret youtube video of that in a crowded Movie theater.
He Hee
Well RH I’m also new here signed up on Wednesday I didn’t know that soo many people see the post as much as Hazy had said. I also find it very welcoming how there are a lot of understanding people that you can relate to on here. I’ve always known about this forum sometimes I would find topics off of Google searches but I never signed up because my close friend who I usually talk to about this stuff always knew exactly how to cheer me up but lately she made it official that she doesn’t want anything to do with me and this subject anymore because of my recent attempt. So it’s even harder for me now. Anyways I’m glad you made it through the night and is still here with us. I’ve done the alcohol and over dose pills and trust me I wasn’t as lucky as you are I landed in the hospital for 6 days.
I did an OD attempt back when i was in high school and i had to get my stomach pumped and shit because someone found me convulsing in a puddle of my own vomit. That time i did have to spend a week in the hospital. Doctors are pricks. They kept trying to make me talk to them about my problems like they actually gave a fuck. I spit in one guys face because he told me i was only trying to get pity. I don’t want pity. I want to feel nothing.
But i’m sorry about your shitty friend. People think they know what they’re doing when they say they’ll help someone with their depression. They always end up getting overwhelmed or tired of it regardless.
Yea your right and the other way around it is that you never really know what the real motives are from a friend. People are just soo limited and maybe I pushed too much problems of mine too that friend idk I wish I was able to read thoughts.
Good glad you spit at him and glad you made it through that I remember when I over heard a doctor comment about me I’ll give it a quick run. Ok I had two prior overdoses on Tylenol. i took 68 at once with coffee when I was 17. i was later found by my parent on the couch in the same condition as you had and was immediately rushed to the hospital I was taken 20 hour’s prior to the over dose. Most of my aunts and uncles, cousins were a bit understanding since it was after (a few months) one of my parents passed away. but I remember waking up hearing the doctors talking outside the hallway “WHATS HE HERE FOR?” NURSE SAYS “TYLENOL TOXITY” DOCTOR: “WHAT”? NURSE Repeats “TYLENOL TOXITY” DOCTOR says “HAHA WHAT REALLY WHAT AN IDIOT THESE KIDS UNBELIEVABLE” I’m such the calm type so I never lost my cool or confronted him in fact the monitors went off from my heart rate so I bet he caught the vibe. even though he was outside the hall way I can loudly hear it.
What an awful thing for him to say!
One of the rotten things about the medical profession is that doctors see so much that they eventually get desensitized to it.
I guess they sort of have to, as a defense mechanism against burning out.
But the downside is that they sometimes lose empathy and compassion for people who are suffering.
He shouldn’t have said such a callous thing, whether you were within earshot or not.
Yea your right what iritated it more was that he had that wise ass voice. Again I’m very calm especially in those case’s you never can win. the quieter and calm you are the better your chances are of being off the suicide watch took 48 hours before I was able to be alone. And I was never put on any meds.
Rabbit, I’m also glad you made it to today. Sorry you are still alone, but hope you keep loving in.
And yes, I can relate to many of you, doctors suck when they can’t get a clue. Worst of all is they trying to make belive they care while they look so bored.
I’m not alone but i feel that no matter I’m just waiting 50+ years to die…
I’m sorry about your situation rabbitsheart
I feel i am alone even though I’m technically not