Sometimes I scare myself. At first I don’t realize what I’m doing. I tend to change reactions and emotions quickly. I’m bipolar. When I’m alone and calm , I can control myself, until I experience episodes of anger and sadness. These episodes result in me cutting myself or swallowing 30+ pills, or just guzzling down vodka.
I’m having more frequent thoughts of harming myself lately. Its like I’m an addict who is in remission but is being tempted. My friends have tried with me repeatedly to get me to stop self harming but I just can’t
People just don’t understand that suicidal thoughts and self harm are addictive just like actual drugs or cigarettes . Similarly to how a smoker who smokes in excess can’t just stop smoking on queue, I can’t either. Sometimes its not as easy as it sounds.
Like many aspects of our daily routine, self harm and suicide attempts are acquired tasks. For some breaking routine is difficult. Self harm and suicide attempts are like eating, brushing or eating. For some, a day without thinking of how to harm themselves or actually do it.