crying

I found this website an hour ago. I read posts. I am sobbing.

I’m not alone. I’m not alone, I’m not alone, I’m not the only one.  And I am so angry because of it.

Why do other people have to suffer? Why do these things happen? I knew I wasn’t the only person- most of my friends are, but the fact that this many people-

this many people have gone as far as I have-

people younger and-

it just kills me, and I mean it literally.

It’s unfair and I am so sorry to anyone who is reading this. Because what you are going through seems impossible.

It is sometimes and people die. That is what happens. But this many people want to end their lives-

I thought it was just contained to the teens. Maybe just the odd few. But no, it’s a whole wide out there and I hate it I hate it I hate it

Angry because human beings are being hurt that don’t deserve to be hurt. It’s unfair.

Unfair? Yes, I know I’ve said that a few times. Whose fault is it?

Trump? Whatever god you believe in? Your parents? Ex?

I don’t know for you, but I know who it is for me. But whoever you blame it on, it is not your fault. You did not do this to yourself. Yes you may have pushed away help, drawn the knife across your skin,  agreed to do this, willingly go there,  but it is not your fault.

And yet so many people think that it is. It’s unfair and it sucks. Crying crying crying and maybe it would just be easier to jump off the edge of the grand canyon than to face what waits for me back home. You know, who knows? Maybe it is.

So where this is going: I just want you to know:

I don’t care if you’ve been depressed for a month and don’t have a real reason, or suicidal for years and have alcoholic parents and a brother who killed himself and lost your best friend but like-

you don’t deserve this

and I am crying for you

you may not think that is much

but I care about you

this is not your fault and I mean it

I would-

I will-

I kill myself for you.