I can’t stand being alive, I fucking hate it. I hate my family, I hate living in this house, I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without the thought of ending my useless self. When I wake up I’m in pain and even if I was able to fall asleep I get zero rest. Nothing gives me any sense of release. Cutting, drinking, smoking all make me feel worse. I’m so fucking alone. My room feels like a prison but its my only safe place. Only reason I haven’t tried offing myself again is because I know my dad would probably kill himself too. Fuck I want this to end so bad.
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hello , Dungeon … i feel like i can relate to your feelings … it’s the same for me .. but at least you have a father who cares for you …
Yeah but at the same time it forces me to live in this hell
well … hell is most of the time better than anything else , at least we can burn in flames and laugh together … this is how i feel on this website , it’s better than feeling nothing at all …
BL: yes feeling nothing is far worse.
“at least we can burn in flames and laugh together” lol thats pretty accurate
Hazy Day Sunflower and Dungeon , would you like to share your stories with me ? i would love to listen to you all …
I just posted my current circumstances. You are feel to read my past posts. I don’t erase them but am considering making a fresh start for 2016 and wiping them from SP archives.
thank you and i wish you a happy and refreshing new year ! <3
My first post has most of my current situation somewhat explained, you are also free to read that if you’d like.
thank you , i will
I know that feeling.
You can try to move out of your house.
Unfortunately I’m jobless and broke
Don’t lose hope. Maybe you’ll find a job. I mean with some effort everything can be done.
Ok, lots of effort.
Even jobless broke people move out of bad situations. Trust me leaving has nothing to do with money sometimes.
I hope youre right
Hey Dungeon. Cool alias, cool writing.
thanks for reading
I’m so sorry, Dungeon.
If you don’t mind me asking, who all do you live with?
I live with my parents , but we live in a 2 family home and rent out all of the rooms to students due to financial issues
My room is my safe place too and if I stay in there all day, all the negative thoughts fester and I want to die.
Lately, I’ve been getting up and drinking coffee. Then I go in my living room and lay down a yoga mat. I do 50 crunches and 50 reverse crunches. I do at least 30 push-ups. Then I do a workout video. Either weight training is involved or it’s a cardio video that has dancing and lots of kickboxing. I get on the treadmill and push myself because I have nothing to lose. Being done is the most satisfying feeling. It makes me proud of myself.
So my advice is to get out of your room and work out. It makes you feel like you’ve accomplished something. I also put it in my calendar what work outs I’ve done. That way, it’s easy to look back and see how far I’ve come. Don’t give up on yourself. Exercise can help more than medication.
Thank you for commenting, when I lived in a residential I would go to a cc gym every other day. I found it to be a good stress reliever. Although I don’t have access to most of the equipment at home, I do 1hr of dumbbell lifting and other core exercises since I don’t have a long bar. I switch the muscles I’m working every day to keep me from overdoing it. And I agree I’d rather do this than go back to the pills.
You don’t need a full gym in your house. Just use workout DVDs. I use The Biggest Loser, that requires 8 pound and 3 pound dumbbells. The first thing I do is lay out my yoga mat and do situps/reverse situps and push-ups. That requires no weights. It’s like a warmup. The workout DVDs are mostly dancing and kickboxing, no equipment needed. I see if you don’t have a treadmill, but it’s a great investment. Sounds like you still manage to get some working out done at home, keep it up.
You’re braver than me for going to a gym. I wouldn’t be able to focus on my work out and I would think people are staring at me. That’s why the comfort of my home is better for me.
Well the only reason I went to the gym was because I didn’t have a choice (it’s a residential for minors who are usually court ordered there), otherwise I feel exactly the same. Luckily we went at night so college grounds are usually empty there.