I am tired of everything. Tired of going to school everyday and have bad grades because I can’t focus. Tired of making efforts to have friends and in the end being alone again, tired of trying, tired of keep going, tired. I am tired of living, breading, eating, sleeping and being tired.
They say it’s because I am shy that I don’t have friends, well I try and yet the exclude me. I try to talk but or it goes wrong or they talk over me or I am just ignored. And I can be like one month without talking to anyone that nobody searches for me or talks to me. In conclusion, I am a ghost.
I hate myself so much for ending the friendship with my best friend, but he was totally not making time for us that one day I started an huge discussion and ended it all. Actually I ended it all twice, because one day I love people and next second I hate them. I am such an horrible person for being all broken. I want to be his friend again but I hurted him, and he is cold with me, he doesn’t play with me, or jokes, or even talk with me. I want things to be simple like in childhood.
I can’t keep grades, I can’t sleep, I can’t keep faking. All I want is to kill myself but if I fail again like last time I will be locked up in hospital. I want to vanish…
4 comments
I feel the same , i do the same , i don’t know why … but we are on same boat , you and i … only that i failed to kill myself twice and the situation with my best friend is even worse . I don’t know what to say to make things better because i know nothing can really help but … i hope you will find a way …
I know that kind of guilt and self hatred. I fucked up my relationship with an amazing beautiful girl who I loved to death. 3 times we lived together, broke up, and tried again.
It’s my fault and now her heart might never be open to me the way it once was. It’s a terrible terrible feeling and you are not alone.
I’m sorry to hear about all your pain. Can I give you a bot of advice I’ve learned about living? Just be you. Sure, there are general things that everyone should uphold like common courtesy, respect, considerateness… But at the beginning and end of each day, just be yourself and enjoy life — then perhaps you won’t feel like you’re trying so much. Work on the goals you like, visit the places you enjoy, etc.
*a bit of advice…